Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1057 of 6446

Tomorrow is the official Electoral College vote. Or as it will be more popularly known: "The Day Hillary Lost The Election For The Third Time."

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,
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12-18-2016 07:25
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The Movie/Book "50 Shades of Grey" was only romantic because the dude was a freakin Billionaire. Heck .... If he lived in a Trailer ... The story would have actually been an episode of "Criminal Minds"
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12-17-2016 21:25
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why is there a trump filter and not an oblablah filter
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12-17-2016 20:24
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"Well, Bill, now I see how you came up with the word 'Microsoft'." -Melinda Gates, on their wedding night.
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12-17-2016 18:41
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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
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12-17-2016 18:35
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I AM SO READY TO KISS 2016 GOODBYE!

Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler....So straighten up and fly right
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12-17-2016 18:09
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So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...

Do you work on computers , cause your D**k is Micro and soft .
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12-17-2016 15:41
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I must be emotionally impotent, I haven't given a f**k in months
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12-17-2016 15:18
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NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p
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12-17-2016 09:51
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When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
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12-17-2016 08:58
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I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.
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12-17-2016 01:25
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Dear Santa: This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body ... And please don't get it backwards like you did last year!!!
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12-17-2016 01:21
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Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.
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12-17-2016 01:19
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The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.
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12-17-2016 00:50
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If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.
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12-16-2016 21:56 by snotty
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I realized how pathetic I am,,, When the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignored my knock knock joke...
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12-16-2016 21:52 by snotty
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I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Guns, Bacon and T|t$.
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12-16-2016 14:09
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