Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.
←Rate | 12-22-2016 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Something going viral just means more idiots have seen and liked it.
←Rate | 12-22-2016 13:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!
←Rate | 12-22-2016 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sad start to this week as we lost Grandpa. Luckily, we found him this morning!
←Rate | 12-22-2016 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
←Rate | 12-22-2016 09:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you finally meet that girl off snapchat, and she forgot she forgot to bring the dog face filter with her
←Rate | 12-22-2016 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sitting in a busy parkink lot tooting my horn when I see someone pressing their remote looking for their car.
←Rate | 12-21-2016 20:46 by Bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Christmas Fight Club is don't buy her anything half a size bigger than she is because clearly you're implying something..
←Rate | 12-21-2016 18:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the old time movie stars. You know, the ones that wore clothes and had talent?
←Rate | 12-21-2016 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what you say. Arbor Day and Christmas are cousins.
←Rate | 12-21-2016 08:34 by Tree Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny how Democrats are blaming the Russians and all they did was expose the truth
←Rate | 12-20-2016 19:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The week of the year when people buy gifts for people they don't wanna see, for a night they don't wanna go to, with money they don't have.
←Rate | 12-20-2016 06:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Antarctica called. It wants it's weather back.
←Rate | 12-20-2016 06:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I'm a people person. Or as the authorities like to call me, human trafficker.
←Rate | 12-20-2016 03:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2016: Well 2017, it's almost your turn. You cannot possibly do as bad a job as I did. 2017: Hold my beer.
←Rate | 12-19-2016 18:51 by Nan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard overhead on the PA system at Walmart: "Customer service needed in sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls".
←Rate | 12-19-2016 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, yea I was naughty this year ..and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental b*stard!
←Rate | 12-19-2016 18:28 by jcgj Comments (0)  


   messageicon like who in their right mind would waste good money on life insurance when you can tell your sob story on Go Fund Me and stupid people to give you money?
←Rate | 12-19-2016 16:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
←Rate | 12-19-2016 15:37 by JCGJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've had only had one glass of wine. . . Glass, bottle. . . whatever. . . A bottle is glass, right ??
←Rate | 12-19-2016 15:34 by JCGJ Comments (0)  




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