Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   PRO TIP : EX-LAX AND SLEEPING PILLS DON'T MIX

   You go to the refrigerator to see if something is appealing and later on you return to see if anything is appealing as if something magically appeared. Same as checking Facebook throughout the day- the same ol' over and over.

   I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.

   My girl has the crabs, I suggested fishnet stockings.

   I feel a disturbance in the Force. RIP Carrie Fisher.

   So where did all those sapiosexuals disappear to ? Or was it a phase ?

   Your display of ignorance is astounding. There are three separate and equal branches of government. Israel's PM, who is ten times the man odumma can ever hope to be, does not need permission from the Executive Branch to speak to the Legislative Branch.

   The label says "Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication." My question is, is this a warning or a suggestion?

   Why should Obama treat Nutandyahoo any differently than the way he treats Obama? My main complaint is the fact that Nutandyahoo bypassed Obama, the sitting president, to address congress last year. Who the hell does he think he is? Payback s a bi*ch ain't

   Whose job was it to "Wake him up" before they lefy

   Yeah, I saw that meme too. Nice originality Delta Oscar Uniform Charlie Hotel Echo, Bravo Alpha Golf

   So I wonder if George Michael woke anyone up before he go go'ed, I know he was not planning on going solo...

   So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch

   I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

   Ladies, we are not officially old until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of our faces.

   2016 stop it with the great musicians. You know that Nickelback is still around!

   George Michael is dead. hell. You thought 2016 couldn't get any worse and then WHAM.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Gold, frankinsence and myrrh. I may not be as wise as the 3 Wise Men, but I would have brought the baby Jesus a Lite Brite.

   On this day long ago, a child was born, who by age 30 would transform the world. Happy birthday Sir Isaac Newton! born December 25th 1642