Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If the Russians could actually hack elections ... Do you really think Putin would have tollerated 8 years of Obama?

   What do you call a Missing Mexican ? ; Hevas Erbefor

   I need something like an epi pen, but filled with caffeine.

   Dear Mariah: It's not as easy as it looks. -Milli Vanilli

   I wish I loved anything as much as yankees love fireworks. #nojobbutcanaffordfireworks

   As far as Mariah Carey's lip-synch debacle on New Year's Eve goes, I wasn't paying close enough attention. I was organizing an "over-under" pool as to how many walnuts she could crush with those thighs at one time.

   Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only.

   How come Sanctuary cities have the fastest growing crime rates?

   How come Sanctuary cities are only effective for one type of criminal?

   I really find it laughable when the very same people who say they really appreciate your honesty .... Suddenly hate you when you are actually honest with them .....

   I can't wait to hear Donald trump say: Obama, you're fired !

   If I win the lottery I'm going to travel the world asking the citizens if they've ever heard of snow. When someone says WTF IS SNOW I'm home

   Everyone thinks I dodged a bullet, but I think I shot the gun .

   Wanting the President to fail is like wanting the pilot to crash the plane we all just got on.

   Well ... Maybe if I renamed my package "Facebook" she might actually get on it

   Mariah Carey didn't give the performance that 2016 wanted, but she gave the performance 2016 deserved.

   Yet another celebrity death in 2016. RIP Mariah Carey's career!

   So, have all you rocket scientists who were still shooting off fireworks at 4am get it out of your system till the 4th of July?

   With the advent of the new year, we will see more technological advancements to make our lives easier. They will also be the cause of our ultimate demise. Everything has its price.

   I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.