Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ya know, that damn commercial lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   TODAY IS THE DAY OF ST. JUDE THADDEUS, PATRON SAINT OF IMPOSSIBLE CAUSES. If our new President ever needed all the help in the universe in straightening out the mess of the past 8 years, this Saint is the one.

   If you're constantly sharing old memories on Facebook, does that mean you can't let go of your past?

   All Slip and Fall classes will be cancelled after the Inauguration.

   I think I can beat up a group of ninjas. According to the movies, they must attack you one at a time while everyone else rocks back and forth in a absurd manner. So I think I have a chance!!!!

   Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG

   I'll be at tomorrows inauguration. Don't folks, I'll bring back some real funny demi-crats status stuff.

   Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome

   ...... No people ... the change in governmental administrations is not a sane reason to descend into a real life "Hunger Games" in this country .... Believe it or not it has actually happened before!!

   Whoever determined that a 1 inch size candy bar should be called "fun sized" need to reevaluate their entertainment expectations

   Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is totally acceptable.

   Deja poo. The feeling that you've been through this crap before

   Some people don't have issues… They have a whole subscription

   Face your life, don't Facebook your life

   The one good thing Joe Biden will experience on Inauguration Day is that he'll no longer be 2nd banana.

   Let's make humility great again.

   Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.

   every guy has got that one pair of socks with a hole and that big toe sticking out.

   The only thing to believe in is to not believe in anything.

   Cops think they are so cool, driving around in their flashy cars