Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but they forgot to mention Morons.

   Looks like 84 Lumber won't get hired to build the wall...

   Trump has been in power for over 2 weeks. Why am I not rolling in the dough?????

   My car's GPS allows you to change voices. I tried the one featuring Karen Carpenter. When I try to calculate my arrival time, the only answer she gives is, "We've only just begun."

   Just wondering if you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?

   Now I know where the YouTube commenters hang out when they're waiting for the new Nickelback video debut.

   Don't blame me, I voted for Calvin Coolidge.

   These people don't even know what a "Temporary" refugee means. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary. Say it with me.

   White Americans killing off other Americans is a psychological issue, not an ideological one.

   I like sleeping because it is kind of like being dead but without the commitment.

   But the Atlanta Falcons won the popular vote! How could this happen?! #NOTMYSUPERBOWL

   It was nice to see Rose from the Titanic do the coin toss..

   Polling showed 27% of the USA bet on Atlanta to win. Must've been conducted by CNN.

   Would you still eat from a bowl of jellybeans if you knew one out of a hundred will kill you? Same applies to refugees…

   No .... Not all Refugees are terrorist ..... However, Since the bad guys have already told us and sworn they have infiltrated the refugees .... The job is to find out which ones they are. It's Better to err on the side of Caution.

   CNN Breaking News: Falcons Playbook was Hacked by Russia!!!!

   So Mexico just announced that they will build a latter.

   Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.

   Hey Dems, send Jill Stein your money. She's doing a recount of the Super Bowl.