Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor

   Trump has chosen Mickey pence as his vice-president. Did anyone in their wildest dreams even imagine that Donald and Mickey would run America one day!? Walt Disney would be proud of this!

   Too F#CKED up how much of the population has been dumb down to march for rights you already have ! ! !

   people with children should be allowed to do things while hiding from their children because children are mini terrorists.

   I'm writing this post from the Emergency Room, nothing to worry about. Just turns out my new Dyson Ball Cleaner isn't what I thought it was.

   Fun new drinking game for parents: Take a shot every time your child screams. Hahaha... Just kidding! Don't do this. You'll die.

   Noticed the guy in front of me making a right turn into a cemetery. Tried shouting at him that it's a dead end, but he wouldn't listen...

   The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary

   South Americans. They gave the world coffee and tomatoes. It was all downhill from there.

   Canada: Compared to the USA, it's the North American equivalent to the kids' table at a holiday dinner.

   As long as the Doomsday Clock people are adjusting the clock for Trump, they should give it smaller hands.

   Remember the protests back in 2011 when Obama stopped the Iraqi refugees from entering the States for six months? Neither do I.

   If God gave you a good singing voice, you should sing loud in church to give thanks. And if God gave you a not-so-good singing voice, you should sing loud in church to get back at Him.

   These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.

   Generic Frosted Flakes are Oooooooookay!

   If I don't get at least one friend deletion on facebook every now and then, I feel as if I'm being all I can be.

   Remember when Sarah Palin was the dumbest person in politics? Good times......

   Can we put a door in the wall so I can still get my yard mowed?

   Let's be honest: The refugees being detained at JFK airport have gone through more vetting than Donald Trump's cabinet.

   We are building a fence and I'm gonna make my neighbors pay for it.