Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1031 of 6446

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
←Rate |
01-31-2017 07:39 by Mikey c
Comments (1)

Trump has chosen Mickey pence as his vice-president. Did anyone in their wildest dreams even imagine that Donald and Mickey would run America one day!? Walt Disney would be proud of this!
←Rate |
01-31-2017 05:24
Comments (1)

Too F#CKED up how much of the population has been dumb down to march for rights you already have ! ! !
←Rate |
01-31-2017 05:23 by JAB
Comments (1)

people with children should be allowed to do things while hiding from their children because children are mini terrorists.
←Rate |
01-31-2017 00:41
Comments (0)

I'm writing this post from the Emergency Room, nothing to worry about. Just turns out my new Dyson Ball Cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 22:59
Comments (0)

Fun new drinking game for parents: Take a shot every time your child screams. Hahaha... Just kidding! Don't do this. You'll die.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 18:09 by gremlinsd
Comments (0)

Noticed the guy in front of me making a right turn into a cemetery. Tried shouting at him that it's a dead end, but he wouldn't listen...
←Rate |
01-30-2017 17:35 by TJW
Comments (0)

The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary
←Rate |
01-30-2017 13:56 by Jitney
Comments (0)

South Americans. They gave the world coffee and tomatoes. It was all downhill from there.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 12:43 by Mickey
Comments (0)

Canada: Compared to the USA, it's the North American equivalent to the kids' table at a holiday dinner.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 12:35 by Mickey
Comments (0)

As long as the Doomsday Clock people are adjusting the clock for Trump, they should give it smaller hands.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 09:44 by Blobama
Comments (0)

Remember the protests back in 2011 when Obama stopped the Iraqi refugees from entering the States for six months? Neither do I.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 08:22 by Mickey
Comments (3)

If God gave you a good singing voice, you should sing loud in church to give thanks. And if God gave you a not-so-good singing voice, you should sing loud in church to get back at Him.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 07:36
Comments (0)

These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
←Rate |
01-30-2017 07:05 by Mike c
Comments (0)

Generic Frosted Flakes are Oooooooookay!

If I don't get at least one friend deletion on facebook every now and then, I feel as if I'm being all I can be.
←Rate |
01-29-2017 21:51
Comments (0)

Remember when Sarah Palin was the dumbest person in politics? Good times......
←Rate |
01-29-2017 19:25
Comments (1)

Can we put a door in the wall so I can still get my yard mowed?
←Rate |
01-29-2017 16:11
Comments (0)

Let's be honest: The refugees being detained at JFK airport have gone through more vetting than Donald Trump's cabinet.
←Rate |
01-29-2017 15:28
Comments (2)

We are building a fence and I'm gonna make my neighbors pay for it.
←Rate |
01-29-2017 14:23 by Smeebert
Comments (0)