Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Even Heaven has a Wall .... a Gate ..... and Extreme Vetting to get in .....

   Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.🎩

   I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is in therapy for PTSD.

   How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven't paid for a ticket from entering the game!" #NotMySuperBowl

   Super Bowl: it's like WrestleMania, but boring.

   No one is above the law, especially the president.

   I think EVERY elevator should have it's "2" button replaced with,, "Congratulations, You lazy @$$."

   I'm gonna build a fence, how do I get my neighbors to pay for it? Asking for a friend

   If Pictionary is where you draw pictures then what’s Dictionary.

   YouTube: Domestically educating the public since 2005

   Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.

   If you think about it, to come clean is not an option. . .

   I don't think allowing the mentally I'll people to obtain guns is making America great. Now I don't feel safe anymore.

   If your afraid to leave your teenage daughter home with your boyfriend then you may want to rethink ur relationship..

   NEVER EXPECT A WOMAN TO PLAY HER PART, IF YOU STILL HAVE OTHER WOMEN AUDITIONING FOR HER ROLE'

   NEWS FLASH If you bomb your home and kill all the roaches that live there .... in the roach world you are considered a terrorist.

   Beyonce should really stick it to Trump by going ahead with the abortion

   I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.

   "Dating" is an anachronistic, nebulous means of defining a relationship. All it means is both parties are duping each other into some degree of permanency. Wait...that's marriage. I meant marriage.

   Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as identical twins in zebras?