Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth.. Last time I buy a Larvae lamp.

   Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would become the Information Stupidhighway.

   Trump has the same problem with the wall as he does in the bedroom ... he can't get it up.

   How do you make White House Soup? You start with a laughing stock and and a whole bunch of nuts.

   Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, but no Mexicans. I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

   Dude, you need a Field Goal, two Touchdowns, and two Two-Point Conversions just to take this to overtime. That's impossible! Brady: Hold my beer.

   Never think of yourself as worthless. Organs go for a lot of money on the black market.

   You can steal my status updates but you should know I lick every one of them before I post them.

   I think I'll open a Vietnamese restaurant that never closes and call it "Twenty Pho Seven."

   the American media now accountable to Putin? I wonder where Russia got the idea that they could make demands of the American media - perhaps from our very own president?

   Wonder if Hillary is feeling lonely now that nobody cares about her emails or how corrupt she is?

   Who is gonna clean the wall after it's built?

   Trump for some days has tried to please Isr aiel for rele gious motivations. And I'm not re ligious to give a...

   In hockey and in women.. periods temporarily stop the fun .

   Justin Bieber looks like he needs to be cast in a Home Alone movie.

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but they forgot to mention Morons.

   Looks like 84 Lumber won't get hired to build the wall...

   Trump has been in power for over 2 weeks. Why am I not rolling in the dough?????

   My car's GPS allows you to change voices. I tried the one featuring Karen Carpenter. When I try to calculate my arrival time, the only answer she gives is, "We've only just begun."