Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1023 of 6446

I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.
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02-08-2017 09:45
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Went to Walmart and some lady was escorted out of the store as she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...
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02-08-2017 09:40
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It's protesting when civil rights are violated. Protesting for not getting your way is called whining.
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02-08-2017 09:03
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They say"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well I have been alive a long time and had 2 near death experiences and I have not gained an ounce in muscles yet.
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02-08-2017 07:24
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I'll bet Rosa Parks could really kick ass at Musical Chairs.
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02-08-2017 07:19
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Dear americans: you DO know the rest of the world are laughing at you, don't you?
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02-08-2017 06:27
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The Chinese built a wall and no Mexican can be found. See? See? IT WORKS!
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02-08-2017 06:25
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We should build a wall around Trump.
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02-08-2017 06:24
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At this very moment, Mexicans are building ladders.
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02-08-2017 06:23
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The only way you can get a like from some of the chicks is to take a picture of them while they are standing in front of a bathroom mirror taking a picture of themselves while they are looking thru an album of previous selfies taken earlier that day.
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02-07-2017 22:55
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Any amount of toilet paper is a butt-load of toilet paper.

You know its cold outside when you trip over dog sh** instead of stepping in it.
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02-07-2017 20:48
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"You dirt-eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat!"
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02-07-2017 19:56
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I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?"
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02-07-2017 19:53
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Mexican president Nieto threatens Trump.. Build the wall and we will launch bottle rockets at you!
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02-07-2017 17:05 by schizm
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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; deport him and you do not have to feed him again " Trump 20:17
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02-07-2017 15:52 by Lsu690
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For the record, we voted Trump in, because we're sick and tired of being poor, right? That's why I voted for him.
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02-07-2017 14:57
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Whatta ya call Kellyann in 6 months? A waitress....
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02-07-2017 14:03
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Life is a terminal disease, that is sexually transmitted.
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02-07-2017 13:21 by Mickey
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Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would unfortunately become the Misinformation Stupidhighway.
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02-07-2017 10:31 by Mickey
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