Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm going to paint one side of my car red and the other side blue. That way, if I'm in a accident all the witness will contradict each other.
←Rate | 03-01-2017 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.
←Rate | 03-01-2017 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment
←Rate | 03-01-2017 05:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy
←Rate | 03-01-2017 01:08 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get over the Kellyanne picture folks, it's not the first time a woman has been on her knees in the White House. Sad!
←Rate | 03-01-2017 00:18 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I thought they said it was a "Joint Session". No bongs, no puff-puff-pass...hmph, joint session my @ss.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 23:44 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rep. Maxine Waters refused to attend Trump's address to the joint session of Congress Instead she stayed home to work on a bill addressing the Russian invasion of Korea.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are people so upset about Kellyanne Conway on her knees in the Oval Office. This just happens to be the first time this event has been captured on film
←Rate | 02-28-2017 18:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Thanks to the last 8 years, at least the east side has plenty of vacancies!
←Rate | 02-28-2017 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never truly realize what you have till its gone. Toilet paper, for example.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 07:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten." I need bail money.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Up until now, I thought "twerking" was short for "networking." Needless to say, today's business lunch was rather awkward.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: You are always so argumentative. Wife: No I'm not. Me: See?
←Rate | 02-28-2017 07:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!
←Rate | 02-28-2017 05:29 by Jeff W Comments (0)  


   messageicon LA LA Land won the popular vote.
←Rate | 02-28-2017 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon alexa... make me a sandwhich
←Rate | 02-27-2017 20:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moonlight not my Oscar winner. #thanksrussia #LaLaland2018
←Rate | 02-27-2017 16:54 by D. Harcrow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1. Go to Starbucks. 2. Order coffee. 3 Tell them your name is Waldo. 4 Leave.
←Rate | 02-27-2017 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon German Scientist: "I've created a super broccoli to fight heart disease!" American Scientist: "I've created a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo!"
←Rate | 02-27-2017 12:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?
←Rate | 02-27-2017 12:12 Comments (0)  




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