Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1018 of 6453

I'm going to paint one side of my car red and the other side blue. That way, if I'm in a accident all the witness will contradict each other.
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03-01-2017 07:02
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This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.
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03-01-2017 06:43
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A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment
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03-01-2017 05:03
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"Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy

Get over the Kellyanne picture folks, it's not the first time a woman has been on her knees in the White House. Sad!
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03-01-2017 00:18
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I thought they said it was a "Joint Session". No bongs, no puff-puff-pass...hmph, joint session my @ss.
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02-28-2017 23:44 by Jiffy Pop
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Rep. Maxine Waters refused to attend Trump's address to the joint session of Congress Instead she stayed home to work on a bill addressing the Russian invasion of Korea.
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02-28-2017 23:42
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Why are people so upset about Kellyanne Conway on her knees in the Oval Office. This just happens to be the first time this event has been captured on film
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02-28-2017 18:32
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Thanks to the last 8 years, at least the east side has plenty of vacancies!
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02-28-2017 10:27
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You never truly realize what you have till its gone. Toilet paper, for example.
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02-28-2017 07:59
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A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten." I need bail money.
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02-28-2017 07:58
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Up until now, I thought "twerking" was short for "networking." Needless to say, today's business lunch was rather awkward.
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02-28-2017 07:57
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Me: You are always so argumentative. Wife: No I'm not. Me: See?
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02-28-2017 07:54
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Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!
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02-28-2017 05:29 by Jeff W
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LA LA Land won the popular vote.
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02-28-2017 02:00
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alexa... make me a sandwhich
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02-27-2017 20:44
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Moonlight not my Oscar winner. #thanksrussia #LaLaland2018

1. Go to Starbucks. 2. Order coffee. 3 Tell them your name is Waldo. 4 Leave.
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02-27-2017 12:15
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German Scientist: "I've created a super broccoli to fight heart disease!" American Scientist: "I've created a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo!"
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02-27-2017 12:13
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How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?
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02-27-2017 12:12
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