Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 09:54 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I speak several languages besides English: British, Australian, Scottish and Welch.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 07:03 by Mick Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ladies, you're the syrup atop my waffles, the sizzle on my bacon and the cream in my coffee. What I'm saying is ur killing me.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 06:39 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the 90s when grunge rock made bedhead cool and fashionable.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always memorize your grocery list in case the CIA hacked your iPhone notes.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The percent of pre-marital sex within the animal world is rampant.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just a guy stopping for a cigarette.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They have better health care in China at the robot factory that built Paul Ryan.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about Daylight Savings Time is it shortens the current Presidental term by one hour.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An intruder at the White House? Perhaps Trump should start with a garden wall before biting off more than he can chew.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:29 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Reasons to Support American Health Care Act: 1) Controls overpopulation. 2) Supports a minority (the 1%). 3) Helps millions (of cancer cells).
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's all fun and games until someone brings out Monopoly.....
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Probably the coolest thing about dating me is knowing if we have sex I'll recite Wikipedia pages to help educate you.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In her defense, Kellyanne Conway was misled by the toaster.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump asking the media not to be rude is like Jeffery Dahmer criticizing a victim for their dining etiquette.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alternative Fact: You can't get pregnant on Spring Break. Summer is the only time you can get pregnant.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never owned a single pair of shoes in my life. I just keep renting them from the bowling alley.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much douche could a douche bag douche if a douche bag could bag douche?
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people simply scale the fence to the White House it really goes to show just how utterly pointless Donald Trump's border wall will be.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  




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