Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1002 of 6446

When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
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03-14-2017 09:54 by Mick
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I speak several languages besides English: British, Australian, Scottish and Welch.
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03-14-2017 07:03 by Mick
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Ladies, you're the syrup atop my waffles, the sizzle on my bacon and the cream in my coffee. What I'm saying is ur killing me.
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03-14-2017 06:39 by Mick
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I miss the 90s when grunge rock made bedhead cool and fashionable.
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03-14-2017 05:58
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Always memorize your grocery list in case the CIA hacked your iPhone notes.
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03-14-2017 05:45
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The percent of pre-marital sex within the animal world is rampant.
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03-14-2017 05:42
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Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just a guy stopping for a cigarette.
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03-14-2017 05:38
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They have better health care in China at the robot factory that built Paul Ryan.
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03-14-2017 05:35
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The best thing about Daylight Savings Time is it shortens the current Presidental term by one hour.
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03-14-2017 05:33
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An intruder at the White House? Perhaps Trump should start with a garden wall before biting off more than he can chew.
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03-14-2017 05:29
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Reasons to Support American Health Care Act: 1) Controls overpopulation. 2) Supports a minority (the 1%). 3) Helps millions (of cancer cells).
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03-14-2017 05:26
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It's all fun and games until someone brings out Monopoly.....
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03-14-2017 05:22
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Probably the coolest thing about dating me is knowing if we have sex I'll recite Wikipedia pages to help educate you.
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03-14-2017 05:20
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In her defense, Kellyanne Conway was misled by the toaster.
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03-14-2017 05:17
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Trump asking the media not to be rude is like Jeffery Dahmer criticizing a victim for their dining etiquette.
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03-14-2017 05:15
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Alternative Fact: You can't get pregnant on Spring Break. Summer is the only time you can get pregnant.
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03-14-2017 05:13
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Never owned a single pair of shoes in my life. I just keep renting them from the bowling alley.
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03-14-2017 05:10
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How much douche could a douche bag douche if a douche bag could bag douche?
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03-14-2017 05:08
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When people simply scale the fence to the White House it really goes to show just how utterly pointless Donald Trump's border wall will be.
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03-14-2017 05:07
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Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?
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03-14-2017 05:04
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