BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.

   I sent a Facebook friend request to the girl who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from her house.

   My six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside."

   The illbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 am and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart.

   I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss.

   My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough.

   I never worry about money. What's the sense of worrying about something you don't have?

   It would be so cool if I could see what my life would be like if I had made different decisions.

   My girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days.

   I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder.

   Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong."

   I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything.

   Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared.

   From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a damn video proving it.

   RUMORS are carried by HATERS, spread by FOOLS and accepted by IDIOTS.

   Love starts with "You are different" & ends with "you are all the same"

   No one ever gets tired of loving. They just get tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

   Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know doesn't give a damn about you.

   It's just as well money can't buy happiness. With prices what they are today, who could afford it anyway?

   Facebook is going to start making high school reunions really awkward. “John! I haven't seen you in ten years! Wow, what have you been up to since that nap you took at 3 o'clock this afternoon?”