moon Funny Status Messages

   The best sign of a intimate relationship are no pictures of it on Facebook.

   Want to meet eligible singles in your area? Then mill around the Valentine candy clearance aisle.

   There's something just really wrong about 2 for the price of 1 Valinetimes day cards that say "Nobody makes me smile like you do" :(

   The best sign of a happy loving relationship between two people on Valentine's Day is no sign of it all on Facebook.

   Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up faster then drinking it.

   I thought the internet was originally created to save time. So what happened?

   Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?

   After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.

   If your single and starting to feel a little blue about the coming Valentines day to make you feel better just remember that Saint Valentine was imprisoned then beaten to death with a club and candy and cakes will be 50% off the day after 😊

   Just once in my life I'd love to make just the perfect amount of spaghetti for myself. Anyways, if you're hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.

   After much consideration I've decided not to host the Grammys this year.

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   The cashier asked if I'd like my milk in a bag to whom I replied "No thanks, I think it would be easier to carry home in the container."

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Price negotiable. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   So if no one posted pictures of the lunar eclipse for friends who don't look up from their phones did it really happen?

   I just cleaned up my friends list. So if you could see this post it means you've made the cut because you're special! Or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.

   Haven't looked at Facebook in a while and have been doing things I don't normally do while looking at it like reading books, verbally talking to friends, noticing my surroundings and showering.

   I wonder what facebook employees do to kill time at work?

   Just want to wish everyone a happy new year!....in case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.

   Sometimes there's a very thin line between "I should share this on Facebook with all my friends" and "I might want to seek private professional help for this"