jdpower Funny Status Messages

   So I guess the movie 'Armageddon' shows that oil workers are better at destroying asteroids than stopping oil leaks

   Dear Mr. Ice Cream man: Please change your song.. That sh!t was played out in the 80's

   New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

   If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

   Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.

   Roethlisberger has been suspended, which means that the NFL has a stricter policy on sex abuse than the Vatican

   if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

   We may lag behind the Chinese in math and science, but we are absolutely kicking their butts in the tattooed homewreckers category.

   Which is the best new slur for hipsters: Fauxhemian or Doucheoisie? I'm thinking Doucheoisie.

   I could never bring myself to kill....however, I do have a list of some pretty sweet hiding spots.

   The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear."

   Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"

   I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....

   Sarah Palin probably thinks Obama's drilling plan doesn't go far enough in terms of wrecking the environment.

   Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.

   According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.

   If aliens landed & saw Glenn Beck, they'd be like, "Oh, he has a show here too?"