Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   That "Ah dammit!" moment when you wake up and use the bathroom and your urine goes in 5 different directions soaking everything but the toilet itself.

   Pushing the elevator button repeatedly doesn't make the elevator go faster.....you do realize that right.....?

   Interesting....Nearly all religions support love....but cause the most wars.

   Watching golf is like watching paint dry....

   The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   It's interesting how people claim to love/like their jobs, but ready to go home as soon as they get in the door.

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.

   Hey, I'm your friend, I'm two-faced, and I wouldn't mind backstabbing you one day...because that's what all of the friends do am I right...

   "I'm not like most girls." ~ Most girls

   Wouldn't be nice to see if there is an alien on a far away planet that acts exactly like you do.

   When people say to me, "I don't have time", I ask them then why are you still alive.

   I'm going to open a gym on January 1, 2012 and call it "Irony Fitness." It 's only going to be open for two months.

   Time lives forever so how can the Mayans predict Time when Time existed long before they even started to make a calender....That's like Snooki saying she'll look hot 103 years from now.

   NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil

   1-800-You~Wish.....To chat with hot, sexy girls in your area you'll never see or touch.

   If you want to lose "friends"....tell the truth.

   Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend's status changes to "In a relatiobship"....You: (Damn). A week later, their status changes back to "Single"....You: (Hahahahahahaha!)

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   If your nuts happen to itch while in public, best way is to scratch it from the inside of your pants pocket.