Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   ''Hey, How was your Blind date?'' ''Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!''......''What's so terrible about that?''.....''He was the original owner!!!''

   I have no respect for today's gangs! They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in ''West Side Story'', the gangs used to dance with eachother first!!

   These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee's, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!!!

   How about instead of flirting and carrying on a conversation under my status that has nothing to do with it's original topic, you try using the chat window, the poke button, or maybe even do it the old fashioned way! Call the B!tch!!!

   On our Birthday! America as a Nation needs desperately to realize that if we do not again regain the lead in Technology and Education, we will continue to bury our heads in the sands of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan!!!

   I suggest we Drink!..... Before we go out Drinking!!

   Yes, that's correct!.....And the Horse you rode in on!!

   Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn't trust with a Glo-Stick Day!!!

   While you are enjoying your BBQ's, cookouts, and family get togethers! Please remember what this Independence Day truly represents! Happy Birthday America! Still the greatest Country in the World!!

   Only God can Judge Me!....and some family, a few friends, the neighbors, definitely a couple co-workers! And all my Facebook friends!!!

   R.I.P. Andy Griffith..........There's a new sheriff in town!

   ''Magic Mike''.......if I hear this one more time I hitting someone with an ''Open Mike!!!''

   Well I had close call lastnight! This girl I picked up at the bar, drove me back to her place. She looked like a lady, walked like a lady, even talked like a lady! But when she whipped into that parking spot perfectly.....I was like hold on somethings up!

   This Country is at War!........with itself!!!

   To the jerk that has been stealing everyone's lunch from the company refridgerator, I sprinkled just the right amout of marijuana and cocaine on that sandwhich of mine you just ate, to fail that suprise drug test that is coming tomorrow! Karma Baby!!!

   I'm not Crazy, I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a Lunatic!!!

   How is ''Doable'' anything but a compliment!!!

   You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!

   If it looks like a B!tch, talks like a B!tch, and acts like a B!tch! Congratulations you met my EX!!!

   I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!