srpdrzman Funny Status Messages

   Trump Soup: Start with lots of nuts, add some Tweeted mistruths, heat and spin until it is a laughing stock. Discard any creditability before servng.

   Two year olds today can unlock an iphone, open and close apps all by themselves... When I was that age, I was eating dirt

   In The News: Supreme leader Comrade Kim Jong-un,. Reprimands: Jang Song Thaek, vice chairman of North Korea's highest decision-making body... "When I said to Nuke the Chinese, I meant for you to put the Kung Pao Chicken in the microwave".

   The suicide vest bombing instructor at the Al Qaeda School of Martyrdom advised his students too "pay close attention because I'm only going to show you this once".

   I don't get a sore throat often, but when I do I swallow every few minutes to check to see if it still hurts.

   If I ever have to have a steel plate in my head,. I'm gonna start me an awsome magnet collection.

   My son weed whacked the yard without being asked... Impressed yes!! He broke out in a sweat the last time it was his turn to change the toilet paper roll.

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.