Sammy Funny Status Messages

   An untalented gymnast walks into a bar....

   "Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"

   LeBron travels like crazy and never gets called on it. He's comes from near the 3 point line, doesn't dribble the ball at all, then does the lay up for the score. They should show the Heat games on the Travel Channel.

   If there's no bacon, it's not breakfast.

   Great to be Catholic this month! We welcome a new Pope, plus we get three major religious holidays! Palm Sunday, Easter, and to kick it all off...the most important...St. Patrick's Day.

   Those women who claim to be offended the "C" word, are usually the biggest ones.

   I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.

   What if the power had gone out during some of those corporate sponsored college bowls: Little Caesars Bowl: "No difference...still horrible pizza."

   Okay "beautiful" girls...be as narcissistic as you wish, yet remember, there was someone named Marilyn Monroe. And I promise you, you do not measure up.

   calling the Secretary of State to notify them he will no longer be carrying an ID; People should know who he is!