MyClueIs Funny Status Messages

   Oatmeal raisin cookies are only eaten when mistaken for chocolate chip.

   I was upset when I heard that Justin Beiber got a haircut because it meant I was gonna have to rearrange my "Top ten things I care least about" list.

   My favorite pickup line: Hey, what's your address, and are you a light sleeper?

   I let my fists do the talking. And by fists I mean mouth. And by talking I mean sandwich eating.

   Hey old guy, could you possibly smell more like mothballs? Are you carrying some on you right now? Is your bedroom like a McDonald's ball pit, just filled to the waist with moth balls?

   There are two types of people: Those who try to boil water in their toaster, and cowards.

   February is Irony Month! I'm celebrating Irony Month by treating everyone equally, just like I do every month, because we're all human.

   His speech was long and awkward like the line for the women's bathroom at a transgender convention.

   I'm about to make like the FCC and get the *bleep* outta here.

   Finding out someone still used dial-up is like finding out they had a recent death in the family. "You gotta see this video.. you.. oh, god man, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"