Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   I had a peanut butter sandwich on white bread with no jelly and nothing to drink. Long story short: I'm at the ER getting treated for Lockjaw.

   Would the last Baby Boomer to enter heaven please bring a copy of Abbey Road?

   Recent studies have shown that dogs don't actually have a fear of fireworks. Their reactions are based on their being upset at not being able to shoot off their own.

   What with unwanted pregnancies, social diseases and failed relationships, the Love Boat reboot will be titled the "Tug" Boat.

   I can relate to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial. Sort of. I dreamt an old girlfriend chased me around the bed with a machete after eating a box of Ex-Lax.

   I realized how non-materialistic I am. To me, a step up the social ladder isn't a new car, house, or clothes... it's the rare occasion when I line the waste paper basket in the bathroom with a Target bag instead of one from Wal-Mart.

   I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. I now sneak out of parties to go to my house.

   Johnny Depp could have avoided this entire mess if he had simply issued an Amber alert.

   Better and more accurate than any dating site: Ask her if she's on Will Smith or Chris Rock's side. If she says Will Smith, run away as fast as you can.

   I know not with what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones.