Eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Just did the Ancestry.com DNA swab....Now the cops want to talk with me!! #StalkersLife

   Why did the turtle cross the road? ...To get to the shell station!

   So when I pump gas, has my truck pumped all the other vehicles that this nozzle has pumped?

   Man I love watching women's curling in the Olympics. It's the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.

   Setting here wrapping presents with one hand. If someone finds a band aid in theirs Don't touch it, I'm still waiting on them test results.

   I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!

   Paula Deen just got chopped!

   There were a lot of people who thought he was going to end up like his brother. I wasn't one of them. Really, what are the chances he has another brother who runs over him in a car.

   My son's Parrot just tweeted about his current living conditions!

   When dropping off prescriptions for two people with the same name...make sure the dates of birth are correct. Apparently my 12 year old is on Blood Presure meds now...