@tigstygrrr Funny Status Messages

   A friend of mine wants to set me up with her cute friend, but her friend is picky cos she has a kid, so I told her my name was "Jif" because we all know choosey moms choose Jif...

   there an article somewhere online about how to tell your cell phone it only has a few days left to live?

   If EVERY radio station on Earth doesn't play R.E.M.'s "It's the end of the world as we know it(and I feel fine) at the PRECISE moment of the solstice...well then you 've really just wasted all of our time!

   The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks

   The new CBA for NFL refs is a win/win for us all, not only will we have professional refs, our footlockers will again be fully staffed!

   With their recent driving records Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes are giving new meaning to the old phrase "Star-Struck"

   Wait...you mean "Angry Birds" is NOT the Britcom Version of "The Golden Girls"?

   I think there are too many psychic mediums and not enough psychic extra larges..

   How do you know when your pet rock dies?

   We all have that one friend we're trying to fatten up for the zombie apocalypse...