Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When the moon hits your eye Like it’s 5:45, That’s November

   Has anyone noticed that the folks who claim,, "Eating turkey on Thanksgiving is cruel and unethical", just happen to also be the "Pro-Choice" crowd?

   Why are there no biological women trying to break into Men's bathrooms?

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   The 4Bs explained: Bread, Bacon, Beef, Bread. Make me a sammich.

   To all the people that couldn't stand me this year, just letting you know next year is going to be even worse.

   Someone stole my identity... And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said, "So sorry man. Hope things work out".

   Women who aren't into sports are way more feminine and don't have smelly you-know-whats.

   Concept plan

   If I was a bartender, anytime someone asked for a drink I would say “Why don’t you take a pitcher, it’ll last longer.”