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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Hot women are in one of two categories: They're bat$hit crazy or they have the herp...
←Rate | 04-25-2015 22:50 Comments (0)

X says those E-cigarettes plug into USB so when they run out of their fluid & get empty have they been "formatted"?
←Rate | 04-25-2015 22:12 by Eddy Comments (0)

X Wait?? The NSA's "Facial Recognition" software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending maching at work can't recognize a dollar with a bent corner?
←Rate | 04-25-2015 16:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X I don't think you're supposed to use the pressure treated lumber to plank your BBQ salmon,,, but girl, your trailer looks nice
←Rate | 04-25-2015 16:53 by snotty Comments (0)

X says If Spiderman really got bit by an actual spider, how come he don't shoot webs out his butt like a real spider?
←Rate | 04-25-2015 15:58 by slopoker21 Comments (0)

X says Kid: How come dinosaurs are extinct? Me: Because Noah put two gay dinosaurs on his ark.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 13:35 Comments (0)

X says Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 12:36 Comments (0)

X Listen,,, Anything can be cereal, if you have enough milk.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X says what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:32 Comments (0)

X says [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:30 Comments (0)

X says Listen buddy I don't come down to the Being A Stupid Piece Of Sh*t Factory and tell you how to do your job
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:29 Comments (0)

X says Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being funny or if I'm just unbelievably depressed
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:29 Comments (0)

X says I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:22 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says [judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"
←Rate | 04-25-2015 10:22 Comments (0)

X says Bruce Jenner? Never heard of her...
←Rate | 04-25-2015 07:20 by Steve OH Comments (0)

X says i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?
←Rate | 04-24-2015 21:46 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says If you say "bae" three times while looking in a mirror you get moved to the front of the line at Starbucks.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:42 Comments (0)

X says My favorite sex position is the "WOW". Its when I flip your "MOM" over.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:41 Comments (0)

X says Ommpa Loompa Doopity Do. Fake tanning lotion ain't working for you.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:40 Comments (0)

X says My parents are about to get a divorce. Haha, I'm kidding. I'm black, my parents haven't seen each other in 15 years.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 14:40 Comments (0)


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