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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says it weird that I'm 37 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and possibly one cat?
←Rate | 10-22-2014 20:51 Comments (0)

X says Looks like they're working out the Ebola situation. The CDC has released new guidelines about what healthcare workers should wear to protect themselves when treating Ebola patients. For starters, this Halloween they've outlawed the slutty hazmat suit
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:33 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says Today I went to work w/my clothes inside out and had chocolate pudding and popcorn for dinner. Wife has been gone ONE DAY & I am a toddler.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:15 by huck Comments (0)

X says Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:14 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I'm depressed.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:53 Comments (0)

X what's the only difference between Osama Bin Ladin & sperm.. One's from Baghdad & the one's from your dad's bag..
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:46 by jd bruce Comments (0)

X says With gas prices at what 5 bucks a gallon? It's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:32 by Baddie Comments (0)

X When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:28 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)

X I'm black, but not go Walmartin' in my robe and slippers black.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:08 Comments (0)

X says what do michael jackson and cavier have in common? They both come on little crackers.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:03 Comments (0)

X says Who else thinks the U.S. Marine jailed in Mexico would be getting a lot more attention from the U.S. government if he looked like Obama's son...if he had a son?
←Rate | 10-22-2014 14:43 Comments (0)

X says You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:30 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says There have been more Taken sequels than Americans that have died from Ebola, if you wanted to know about the real epidemic.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:29 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says If something seems too good to be true... Quick, put it in your mouth.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:27 Comments (0)

X says Yes the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but the short cut is through a vagina.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:19 Comments (0)

X says I'd rather be late for work than not masturbate.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:10 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Fellas; You need to know that if her favorite movie is The Notebook, she will never be satisfied and happy.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:08 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Pro Tip: If you order two drinks at McDonald's they'll think you're sharing all that food with another person.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:06 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says How come know-it-alls, don't know how annoying they are?
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:04 Comments (0)


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