Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says A sandwich should be grilled until inside is warm & bread starts to crisp. Not until inside is nuclear & bread becomes a turtle shell.
X says Getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…"Lose weight now" ...”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
X says Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
X says Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I'm just kidding there's no pizza.
X says Oh you think you have it bad? In my day you didn't see the other persons genitals until after you actually met them.
X says Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
X says Life Observation: No matter where I live, my neighborhood has NEVER been even remotely the first stop on the mailman's post route.
X says i wish fake was a color so I could paint you properly...
X Here's a tip for you travellers, when Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me comes on your ipod in the airport, DON'T sing along. I spent 12 hours explaining that I was just singing the lyrics "Love me like a bomb, b...b...b..bomb"
X says Jehovah's Witnesses should preach on Halloween night, people might actually answer the door.
X says There goes Honey Boo Boo. America's collective IQ just rose by .00124%.
X says Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.
X I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
X You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon.
X I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
X says British Metallica: Master Of Crumpets.
X says There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
X says Your honor, let the record show the defendant's eyebrows are drawn on.
X says you'd think with the weather being below 90 degrees, it'd be ACUTE day out
X says I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.