Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Maybe it's just me but I would never sign up to die.
←Rate | 10-19-2017 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, if three or more guys have called you crazy, you're crazy...
←Rate | 10-19-2017 14:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jus cause ah got pre-paid minits, dat doant make me no less of a person!
←Rate | 10-19-2017 11:41 by AvianceGimmedamoney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I often get a "yes" from women...but it's usually followed by..."that's him officer"
←Rate | 10-19-2017 10:17 by Trueman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Holding off getting ready because it's not nearly the last minute yet.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 13:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook requires 8 character complex password for what? The bank only wants a 4-digit number to remove all my cash.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A spelling bee sounds like a horrifying creature that bellows out words and then stings you when you get one wrong.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon this girl I'm stalking never returns any of my texts,i think I should stalk other women.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking for a way to charge my dog for staring at the window and watching squirrels all day. Petflix
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife tricked me into marrying her by laughing at my jokes when we were dating
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most impoprtant thing I have learned about parenthood is many times my parents must have come close to child murder.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:38 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not looking like a million dollars today, more like about $19.95. But I am hanging out at the Dollar Store so I am feeling pretty good.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can somebody tell me how Finding Dory ends? I was watching video of the minivan in front of me took an exit off the highway
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Old saying is that curiosity killed the cat, but I am pretty sure it was that '16 Ford Expedition
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Elevator music bothers me on many levels
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEW: McCain reacts to Trump’s threat to “fight back and it won’t be pretty.” McCain: “I have faced tougher adversaries.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Didn't Trump say he didn’t mock a disabled reporter, yet the video shows him doing it? Trump is a pathological liar! Only his feckless minions believe his falsehoods!
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:03 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Donald J. Trump is the greatest war hero the world has ever seen! Fact!
←Rate | 10-18-2017 11:37 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I promise you this: If a Democrat won the presidency with the help of a foreign adversary, GOP leaders would demand YEARS of investigations.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 11:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The president is mad that the NFL is rejecting fascism.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 11:05 Comments (4)  


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