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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Girlfriend said "Do you want to go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert?" & I said "Do you want to have a different boyfriend that isn't me"
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:15 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Hey kids, see that new sports car over there? Well your old man got a promotion today & got some new glasses so I also see the car. nice car
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:14 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I have never seen a funnier headline than "Apple Releases Instructions for Deleting U2 Album It Provided for Free"
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:11 Comments (0)

X says None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because dogs can only bark.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:08 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Dateline gives excellent tips on killing someone.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:00 Comments (0)

X says I see you trying to win me over and raise you a wall
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:56 Comments (0)

X says I think the scientific term for life is, "that's some bullsh*t."
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:53 Comments (0)

X says Coworker: OK, stop me if you've heard this one before. Me: Stop.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:50 Comments (0)

X says My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I'll just leave it there. I'm not hiding who I am anymore.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:47 Comments (0)

X says I meant every drunken word... Whatever they were.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:39 Comments (0)

X says The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:27 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says You smell good. You are my new girlfriend now. You have 24 hours to get rid of your husband.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:20 Comments (0)

X says I'm pretty sure it was ISIS that put the new U2 album in our iTunes libraries with hopes that Bono's voice would make our heads explode.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:17 Comments (0)

X says Sorry boss, I set my alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM and that's why I haven't been at work in one week.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 00:28 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Breaking News: NFL is going to investigate the Falcons for Domestic Violence against the Bucs...
←Rate | 09-18-2014 21:41 by Sully Comments (0)

X I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
←Rate | 09-18-2014 21:15 Comments (0)

X says Peyton Manning had to be a pot smoker, why else would someone buy a chain of pizza stores for. Of course, for free pizza when he is high . . .
←Rate | 09-18-2014 18:52 by JAB Comments (0)

X If a white cop had hit Adrian Peterson's 4 year old son like that, cities would be on fire and stores would be looted...
←Rate | 09-18-2014 15:54 by T-Dub Comments (0)

X says if a white NFL player spanked his kid, then that would be ok according to the dorks here
←Rate | 09-18-2014 15:04 Comments (0)


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