Funny Status Messages for Facebook

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X Some might argue that having spider webs in your kitchen sink is a sign you need to cook more... I, however, see it as a sign that life is pretty damn good! (Let's go with that)

X Scones are just uppity biscuits...

X says Tried to kill a cockroach with Aqua Net and now it smokes two packs a day, joined my bowling league and calls itself Brenda

X says How come boogers come out so easy, and they are SO hard to get off your finger?

X says My internet goes out more than I do.

X "I love when people say to me… Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!" It means, I'm good for nothing and I am too lazy to copy & paste.

X "I love when people say to me… Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!" It means, I'm good for nothing and I am too lazy to search.

X "There are two ways to go about arguing with a" man "and neither one works."

X "There are two ways to go about arguing with a" men "and neither one works."

X says Raising ones leg and releasing a loud fart is a proper response for any man who doesn't like his wife's tone of voice.

X says I put on my pants just like everyone else around here, reluctantly.

X At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...

X says Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it

X Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

X says Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small,large,circle,square,thin crust, thick crust,stuffed crust,extra toppings.

X says I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?

X says Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice,I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine

X says A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy.. Sadly that part of me is a liar

X Hey MWC, What about your pinis? Don't you feel bad about beating the only thing that ever stood up for you!!??

X says Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don't have to see, touch, or smell them.