Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon What goes up must come down. Except for crawling underwear.
←Rate | 09-30-2016 07:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next time you think your job sucks image how the camera crew that follows around the Kardashians 24/7 must feel.
←Rate | 09-30-2016 07:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now when she say's "deplorable" does she mean like when her husband stuck a cigar in places it didn't belong? I'm just trying to set a precedent here...
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:59 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my roof ever catches on fire, I’ll have trouble not repeating myself when I call 911.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 18:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heck .... Considering what we know now it is evident that Osama Bin Laden would probably still alive if he had donated to Hillary's Clinton Foundation .... Just sayin'
←Rate | 09-29-2016 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Where are you?" must be the least used phrase in sign language
←Rate | 09-29-2016 16:17 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  

   messageicon it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:57 by RomanValentino Comments (0)  

   messageicon My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon strongly suspects that Lester Holt got his journalism degree from the University of Phoenix.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman's crazy is like an iceberg. 90% of it is not visible.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 13:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 11:21 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what she means by "deplorable". Like sticking a cigar in your intern's vagina? That kind of deplorable?
←Rate | 09-29-2016 08:25 by @glimmer_triplet Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"
←Rate | 09-28-2016 23:53 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
←Rate | 09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 15:19 Comments (0)  


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