Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Hey, law enforcement. Arrest and question every black guy with dreads. I have a hunch.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 16:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 16:10 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon So .... The DNC Chairiwoman "Debbie Wasserman Schultz" was forced to resign over PROOF of Corruption .... And is IMMEDIATELY Hired by the Hillary Clinton campaign ...... That kinda tells ya something about Hillary doesn't it!!!!
←Rate | 07-25-2016 14:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Democrat National Convention is going to be so interesting that Black Lives Matter memboers are even going to stop shooting Cops to watch it.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 14:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heck ... Getting into the DNC computers was easy enough for hackers .... Just think how easy it was for them to get into Hillary’s Private/Government server full of National Classified secrets and information that wasn’t even protected by a password
←Rate | 07-25-2016 14:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So drunk last night. When I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 13:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A porno so low budget, all you hear is someone stirring Mac and cheese.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 13:24 by Alan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Go fund me = internet panhandling
←Rate | 07-25-2016 12:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two stuffed dogs at the Antiques Roadshow..."Ooh," Said the appraiser, "This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if they were in good condition?"....Duh? "Sticks"
←Rate | 07-25-2016 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex Position #72 is a #69 with 3 fingers up their ass.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 08:42 by Alan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girl on the bus keeps looking at my crocs. This is how sex starts. Watch and learn virgins.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 07:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Always the bridesmaid never The Batman.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 06:51 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon and I thought Bi-polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference
←Rate | 07-25-2016 04:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got burned by bacon grease and I ain't even mad because bacon...
←Rate | 07-25-2016 00:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Survivors remorse" proves who the real narcissists are...
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when a friend says they just don't know why they are single? And they are wearing Dansko clogs. Like they belong in a tree making cookies for Keebler? Life lesson 219....
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know after a glass of wine...or four...and you tell a friend you started a go fund me page for her kids mental issues..... Just trying to help...
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is the honest to God truth on the way to pick My daughter from work at 10 so I stopped at the carwash real quick to rinse truck off. A police officer stopped by and asked if everything was ok I said yes Sir I just stopped to wash off all thev evidenc
←Rate | 07-24-2016 18:03 by doug Comments (0)  

   messageicon People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!
←Rate | 07-24-2016 17:47 Comments (0)  


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