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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X A man was arrested in England for robbing a store not with a gun; but holding a picture of a gun. God it takes courage to be that stupid.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 10:04 Comments (0)

X I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?
←Rate | 11-21-2014 09:23 Comments (0)

X If you're out of high school and making min wage, you're doing it wrong.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 09:11 Comments (0)

X says Show me on this Fat Albert doll exactly where Bill Cosby touched you
←Rate | 11-21-2014 08:53 Comments (0)

X says “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and I have a washing machine!
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:20 by huck Comments (0)

X These days HD is so good, when you watch an NFL game you can see the murder evidence.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 02:51 Comments (0)

X Hey Illegals, your Americans now. Learn the fukin language.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 01:35 Comments (2)

X says I’d rather wear Rosie O’Donnell’s dirty underwear as a ski mask than turn Facebook chat on.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 00:40 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 00:37 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I can't decide if I should lay off the booze or just lay in it.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 00:35 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says P0rn is so unrealistic. There is no way in hell a guy with a ponytail would own a house that nice.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 00:21 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I hope the next iPhone has a stronger Vibrator.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 23:54 by KAREN Comments (0)

X Since it's throwback Thursday, Ima throwback some booze!
←Rate | 11-20-2014 22:01 Comments (0)

X says They said to dress for the job I want; not the one I have. So now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 20:06 Comments (0)

X See, it's not only Canada that gets snow. Got that Florida, Texas, California........
←Rate | 11-20-2014 19:43 Comments (0)

X Report: Buffalo is running out of beer...guys we are basically district 12 from the hunger games...the end is ne
←Rate | 11-20-2014 19:05 by Sully Comments (0)

X says I took my sister to a NASCAR rase and all I got was this lousy son/nephew.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 17:14 by Nipper Comments (2)

X says The Theatre Alliance of Buffalo is holding auditions for Frozen tonight from 6 to 9
←Rate | 11-20-2014 16:25 Comments (0)

X is Never mind shoveling out Ralph Wilson Stadium, change the rules to allow a defensive line of snowmen. That ought to liven things up.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 16:21 Comments (0)


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