Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says This is no fairy tale, you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.
X Can some tell my wife......Crying is blackmailing Yes, of the simplest and most straightforward form.
X says I don't have a "9-5".. I have a "When I open my eyes to when I close my eyes..."
X says 3 of the 5 personallys of mine are not getting along today
X We will read all of your crappy Ebola posts with bloody tears in our eyes when 75 percent of us are dead 6 months from now.
X says I made an appointment to be cremated... alive. They wouldn't accept me. . .
X says I miss the life I planned in my head.
X says My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle
X says Like a good neighbor,I don't really care.
X says The last time I left my girlfriend it took her two weeks to notice I was gone. Next time I'm taking all her shoes with me.
X says Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
X says well since the Texas breakout Maybe I should go home sick with Ebola
X The dallas Ebola case turned out to be a false alarm. Apparently the person had just went to Taco Bell the night before.
X says Ladies, it's October, breast cancer awareness month, I'm giving free breast exams. . .
X says I ripped my pants and had to sew them back up. Britches love stitches.
X says "Today Joseph cleaned the house, made dinner, and was really cool about some crazy news I had. Best. Husband. Ever." -If Mary had Facebook
X says I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
X says judging by the adds google has picked out for me I live a pretty crazy *ucking life
X says I am dead to you, you, you and you and you , you, you, you and you, why are we here. . .
X If I were a QB in the NFL, I'd throw the ball as far as I can on every play... And do lots of hip thrusts... And wear my cup on the outside.