Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says When does the rioting start in Memphis? Oh wait black guy killed a white cop. Nevermind
X you know what's drunk?? i'm awesome...
X says Ronda Rousey told me if I didn't marry her, she's going to kick my a$$. . .
X says Dear Hospital this chicken broth would be much better if it had noodles, corn and chicken in it.
X says I'm sorry that she likes me better, bro. She says I remind her of her childhood horse. Good day, sir.
X says Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!
X There's a dentist in Minnesota that kills lions and bears. There's a football team in Minnesota that can't beat lions or bears.
X says Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
X When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
X If you sit on your hand till it falls asleep and then like your own jokes,, it feels like someone else is doing it.
X (ordering cake on the phone)... BAKERY: And what would you like the cake to say?... (holds hand over phone)... Honey, did we want a talking cake???
X says I peed on my sisters FIRST RESPONSE pregnancy tester last night ..says I'm still a Virgin..
X says Yes I'm still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
X says It's okay password, I'm insecure too.
X I haven't heard a single zebra complain about that lion getting shot.
X says it too late to say hakuna matata to that lion?
X I just sneezed while taking a piss and now I have to move.
X says You guys ever YOLO so hard your Hyundai gets repossessed?
X says I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
X The Detroit Lions have been getting killed for years and no one is protesting!!