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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Dang it I just broke the screen on my phone. Now my sex life is shattered.
←Rate | 01-29-2015 18:23 Comments (0)

X We should be less worried about serial killers dumping bodies around the country and more concerned that it's always someone jogging that discovers them. THOSE are the people we should be looking out for...
←Rate | 01-29-2015 17:33 by RJB224 Comments (0)

X says Prop bets: What are the odds that Katy Perry's first song will suck?
←Rate | 01-29-2015 16:36 by T-Dub Comments (0)

X says I'm just here so I won't get fined.
←Rate | 01-29-2015 13:11 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)

X We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:57 Comments (0)

X says Some people are like eye-candy... I'm more like eye-meatloaf.
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says The only F word out a woman's mouth that scares me is "fine."
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Fact: you don't have to be a Girl Scout to sell Girl Scout cookies, hussle smart my friends
←Rate | 01-29-2015 11:02 Comments (0)

X You had me at "family history of premature death".
←Rate | 01-29-2015 09:27 Comments (0)

X says The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you
←Rate | 01-29-2015 09:09 Comments (0)

X says Marys dragging me to some play tonight #bored #killme
←Rate | 01-29-2015 08:30 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)

X The worst part about watching Fox Network are all the commercials for $hitty shows on Fox.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 20:10 Comments (0)

X Hey Hipsters, while you're busy fighting the system, Apple made $19 billion last quarter.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 19:52 Comments (0)

X My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate about the same.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 19:33 Comments (0)

X Getting dumped by a hoarder has to be rock bottom.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 16:00 Comments (0)

X says I gotta be honest....unless the Ghostbusters "reboot" (starring all women) is going to have them topless with proton packs...I am just not interested.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 15:21 Comments (0)

X says All female Ghostbuster remake, just like the all male original, but instead the whole movie is 4 chicks trying to coordinate their uniforms.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 13:01 Comments (0)

X says More bad news for the New England Patriots. The NFL now has video of those deflated footballs alone in an elevator with Ray Rice
←Rate | 01-28-2015 12:34 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says Today, the Apple iPad turns five years old. So it's official. The iPad is as old as the people who make it.
←Rate | 01-28-2015 12:33 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, "I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want."
←Rate | 01-28-2015 12:32 by Mark M Comments (0)


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