Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One more week left to drive recklessly in school zones

   Kid: Do you like corn on the cob? Me: I like it in my mouth! Ha ha.

   Yesterday I threw a ball for my dog. I know, it was probably a little extravagant but it was his birthday and he looked so nice in his new dinner jacket.

   RIP: Olivia Fig Newton

   I fully support the IDGAF+ community.

   i’m gonna write my will in cursive. if you want your inheritance, you’re gonna have to work for it

   Hi, I joined a cult. *got an air fryer

   Who wants to go pull on some push doors with me??

   Goats that intimidate others are bully goats

   If you ever see someone drinking straight from a flask in a mall food court… I wouldn’t make eye contact. How I know this is unimportant.