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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Just to annoy my therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does needing therapy after seeing me make you feel?"
←Rate | 12-19-2014 09:03 by Nipper Comments (0)


X says Relationship Status: Intercepting blown kisses.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:46 by Baddie Comments (0)


X says 90% of socializing is wondering what to do with your hands when out in public.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:44 by Baddie Comments (0)


X says Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That's really not necessary
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:42 by Psycho Comments (0)




X says Horoscope: Yes she got all your texts.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


X says One day girl, all those flashing lights and sirens will be for us.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


X says Please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito. Dammit the trainee is making my burrito.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:28 Comments (0)


X says "But why?" - Me at weddings
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:24 Comments (0)


X says But Officer, that's just my medicinal sawed-off shotgun.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:23 by Baddie Comments (0)


X says [breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:15 by Psycho Comments (0)


X says [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, in The Titanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:11 by Baddie Comments (0)


X says If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it's technically a cat
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:10 by Baddie Comments (0)


X says "Welcome to fightclub you may now kiss the bride."
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:10 Comments (0)


X says And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas......." Just as well really, they would only f*cking ask for aid to help clear it away.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:06 by StonerDudee Comments (0)


X says Debt doesn't buy happiness either.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:05 Comments (0)


X says Someone called me lazy today I almost objected.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


X says It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


X says Everybody needs a playground...
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:58 Comments (0)


X says There's still so much I have to unlearn.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


X says How do women think without a pen*s?
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:53 Comments (0)

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