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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says A sandwich should be grilled until inside is warm & bread starts to crisp. Not until inside is nuclear & bread becomes a turtle shell.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 19:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…"Lose weight now" ...”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 19:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:18 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I'm just kidding there's no pizza.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:04 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Oh you think you have it bad? In my day you didn't see the other persons genitals until after you actually met them.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:03 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 09:00 by WillieJr Comments (0)

X says Life Observation: No matter where I live, my neighborhood has NEVER been even remotely the first stop on the mailman's post route.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 22:23 Comments (0)

X says i wish fake was a color so I could paint you properly...
←Rate | 10-24-2014 19:06 Comments (0)

X Here's a tip for you travellers, when Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me comes on your ipod in the airport, DON'T sing along. I spent 12 hours explaining that I was just singing the lyrics "Love me like a bomb, b...b...b..bomb"
←Rate | 10-24-2014 18:34 Comments (0)

X says Jehovah's Witnesses should preach on Halloween night, people might actually answer the door.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 18:30 Comments (0)

X says There goes Honey Boo Boo. America's collective IQ just rose by .00124%.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 15:11 Comments (0)

X says Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 14:03 by Mark M Comments (0)

X I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
←Rate | 10-24-2014 11:14 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)

X You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 11:13 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)

X I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 11:13 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)

X says British Metallica: Master Of Crumpets.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 09:39 by Adam Comments (0)

X says There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 08:36 Comments (0)

X says Your honor, let the record show the defendant's eyebrows are drawn on.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 05:08 Comments (0)

X says you'd think with the weather being below 90 degrees, it'd be ACUTE day out
←Rate | 10-24-2014 04:12 by Eddy Comments (2)

X says I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 02:20 Comments (0)


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