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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 18:57 Comments (0)

X If you're not from America, stop finding one thing and harping on it. We all know you wish your country was half as great as ours!
←Rate | 08-27-2014 16:53 Comments (1)

X says Black TV producer handcuffed & held for 6 hours, while on his way to Emmy's. you treat ur countrymen with such racism, one can only imagine the barbaric treatment of civilians during illegal occupation of foreign lands
←Rate | 08-27-2014 13:34 by ballziemer Comments (0)

X says Over the weekend in California — a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 13:14 by Mark M Comments (0)

X says In The News: Ferguson protest moves to St. Louis....... Why?, Because there's nothing left to steal in Ferguson!
←Rate | 08-27-2014 10:18 Comments (0)

X says I don't mind when others use my gun for target's always nice to have a second set of finger prints on a gun.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 10:17 by M Comments (0)

X says I nominate Stephen Hawkings for the ice bucket challenge.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 05:52 Comments (0)

X says When all else fails, go nude.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 05:30 Comments (0)

X says Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
←Rate | 08-27-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says The more I think about the more I wonder.......serious who came up with the word blackmail? Like why couldn't it be whitemail, or redmail, or graymail?
←Rate | 08-27-2014 04:34 Comments (1)

X says I have to be careful. I have an image to protect. You know, the one where I appear to be listening to what you say.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 01:31 Comments (0)

X says When someone you hate gets shot: Omg is the bullet ok?
←Rate | 08-27-2014 00:49 Comments (0)

X says Dumb and lazy Americans. They kidnapped blacks from Africa and made them slaves. They freed the slaves and now the ex-slaves are giving them a headache. Reaping what you sow.
←Rate | 08-27-2014 00:42 Comments (3)

X says "DIO" is Italian for "god".... in the CAR I pass a lot of churches... sure, doc, I do a lot of CAR-DIO
←Rate | 08-27-2014 00:25 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says Why is it that when you finally make something idiot-proof along comes a better idiot?
←Rate | 08-26-2014 19:35 Comments (0)

X says IZ is demanding "6.66"m from U/Say. C'mon! how much more money should it pay. It already made who you r today, funded and supervised your training and provided you with weapons
←Rate | 08-26-2014 18:52 by Baller Comments (0)

X says I just passed the local college andsaw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college in all of my life.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 16:44 Comments (0)

X Bigger isn't always better. Thighs, for example.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 16:16 Comments (0)

X says I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 16:11 Comments (0)

X says You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
←Rate | 08-26-2014 16:11 Comments (0)


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