Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump isang walang kuwentang tao

   Mannequin Pence was thinking; if I keep my eyes closed will Mueller still see me?! 😆

   My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!

   So we can safely conclude that Trump's campaign promise that Mexico will pay for the wall was a total lie.

   Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.

   What is a "smocking gun?"

   Great White House interview today. Two adults and a baby, and also a mannequin known as Pence, in a chair!

   "Mexico will pay for the wall"- Individual 1 -

   What do you call a broke Santa?

   Kevin McCallister's parents has to be the most dimwitted parents ever not to realize that Buzz is the cause of their family's problems.

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.

   So how did Amish.com happen?

   Some girl just asked me out, well she actually told me to get out of my store, but I know what she really meant

   I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googleing What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?

   "Oh wow, someone sent me a fruitcake. I'm going to eat it right now!" said no one ever.

   Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they’re medicine now

   "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"

   I have decided to host the Oscars

   [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency

   Going to the army navy game doesn't count as visting the troops.