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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says The strike must be over...the past few days have produced many laughs. Welcome back and thank goodness!
←Rate | 09-02-2014 18:22 Comments (0)

X says Today's IDGAF award goes to the guy who named the fireplace.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 17:09 by Nipper Comments (0)

X Bad news guys with big d*cks. She'll just find something else to b*tch about...
←Rate | 09-02-2014 16:51 Comments (0)

X says To my stalker, while you're in my neighborhood, can you deliver me a pizza. . .
←Rate | 09-02-2014 16:13 by JAB Comments (0)

X says I let my 4 yr old watch Ghostbusters last week & now she has nightmares. What part of "I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts" did she not understand?!
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:57 Comments (0)

X says Maybe if the lion's sleeping tonight, you should stop f*ck!ng singing before it wakes up and eats your face
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:55 Comments (0)

X says In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:52 Comments (0)

X says Of course I said NO but I totally meant YES, idiot. ~Women
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:50 Comments (0)

X says On the one hand I feel bad that jeniffer lawarnce privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:50 Comments (0)

X says If there is anything to learn from celebrities is. Do not take nude photos of yourself. The FBI had better things to do. . .
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:48 by JAB Comments (0)

X The pharmacist asked if I had any questions so I asked where he lived and where he keeps his office keys
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:45 Comments (0)

X says Imagine a person who really loves hearing you talk. Now go talk to THAT person.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:44 Comments (0)

X says I spend 80% of my workday thinking up a new excuse to leave
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:35 Comments (0)

X says Whoever named pterodactyls is pterrible at naming things
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:33 Comments (0)

X says Lets get a lynch mob together and hunt down Justin Beiber's father to kick his a$$ for not using a condom. . .
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:31 by JAB Comments (0)

X Drinking hasn't killed me, so it must be making me stronger
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:30 Comments (0)

X says IS; you will not get this administrations attention by killing white guys.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 15:11 Comments (0)

X says It's like the girl sitting in front of me on this bus doesn't want me to braid her hair.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:38 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:35 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:33 by Baddie Comments (0)


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