Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says If the world was a school, the united states would be the special class.
X says It's damn funny when a wife think's she's punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
X says You ever notice that the people with the most insecurities are the loudest?
X says There's a fine line between looking for someone who makes you happy and looking for someone who makes you horny. . .
X says ELF YOU!
X Ten minutes left in the workday. This is where I use the restroom, and wash my hands for a long time.
X says We were actually 36th in math and 24th in reading. This is still nothing to be proud of but it still thought I should make it accurate.
X says According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading.
X It always warms my heart to see celebrities getting into the Christmas spirit, Paul Walker is currently decorating a tree.
X says I don't care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
X says So is it too soon to start making Paul Walker Fast & Furious jokes?
X says Sorry I dropped it, but I only hold pretty babies.
X says Sometimes, you can just tell it's gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
X says A CUTE GIRL SMILED AT ME AT THE GROCERY STORE I GOT HER LICENCE PLATE NUMBER I'LL LOOK IT UP LATER AND CALL HER
X says If the grass appears to be greener on the other side it's probably because that's where the septic tank is.
X says Save the Drama fo' yo' Mama.
X says If the grass appears to be greener on the other side it's probably because snakes like to hide in luxury.
X says I think it's time I find the right one to settle down with. By right one I mean a bottle of whiskey and by settle down with I mean drunk.
X says Why is it called "multiple orgasms" and not "Obsessive Cumming Disorder"?
X says gonna try out a new yoga position alone in my bed tonight it's called the bermuda cryangle