Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
←Rate | 04-29-2017 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My inner self is in Photoshop
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a kid getting sent to bed was a punishment, but now leaving my bed feels like a punishment
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The number 5 is pronounced "ha" in thai so 555 is slang for "hahaha"
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who else has this problem? "I want to start eating my meal, but I can't find the perfect TV show to watch while I eat"
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon DR. check his vital signs, NURSE: He's got 4G coverage and his battery is at 60%
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your boyfriend/hubby is always beating you up and you say its "Gangster love",no its not,its WWE dating John Cena!?
←Rate | 04-29-2017 05:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Die conservatives! I wish death on all of you!!!!
←Rate | 04-29-2017 01:38 by Geoff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump just go home you dumb fcuker
←Rate | 04-28-2017 23:46 Comments (3)  

   messageicon My dad caught me on the phone using one of those 1 800 talk dirty lines. He said, "Wait till I tell your mother!" I said, "Hang on a second, I'll let you talk to her."
←Rate | 04-28-2017 23:40 by Kev Walmsley Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Im too honest to live in poverty. I have a job.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 14:53 Comments (4)  

   messageicon It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 14:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woke up to the sound of gunfire this morning. Luckily, my wife is not a good shot.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People should only be allowed to take selfies as often as they renew there license.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 08:36 Comments (19)  

   messageicon Be careful when a guy says "he loves you from the bottom of his heart",this may mean that "there is still enough space for another girl at the top"
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When she starts "first of all "in the middle of an argument,just give up, she has won already as she is gonna bring up stuff from 10 years back
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:47 Comments (0)  


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