Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
X says Everyday I see some stupid comment on a mutual friends page and I am forced to add another name to my block list. . .
X says the boss keeps talking about a company 401 k ..... I don't think I can run that far
X I think Pokerstars and Adobe are in a race to see which one can have more software updates per year.
X says I just read a funny that said, "says Anyone had a bottle of Evian lately? Tastes a little plane." Boy was that in poor taste. BAHAHAHAHAHA
X "Life is like a box of chocolates. An emotional" man "can destroy one in 5 minutes."
X Wiping after going to the bathroom can be such a pain in the ass
X says Money saving tip - Drink at home. You're welcome
X says Some people should not have been given the ability to talk and breathe at the same time
X says No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
X says Life is like a box of chocolates. An emotional woman can destroy one in 5 minutes.
X says It is incredibly ironic that the people with the most narrow and closed minds also have the widest and open mouths.
X says Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
X says Calm down Jihadists. If you're in that much of a hurry to see 72 virgins, just go to a Star Trek convention.
X says I started homeschooling my kids and now we're allergic to gluten and don't believe in vaccines.
X says "Mom, why do bad things happen to good people?" "Oh sweetie, that's just God's way of showing you that he doesn't exist. Sleep tight"
X says Did a 5k today only instead of kilometers it was the number of calories I ate at lunch.
X says The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
X says I'm so old I remember when "LOL" meant "Laugh Out Loud" and not "I can't think of anything to reply with.""
X says I'm so old I remember when people didn't publicly express every feeling they had every moment they had it.