Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hey, do you think the next Rocky movie will have a fight scene in the cafeteria over the thermostat?
←Rate | 09-16-2019 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine…one, three, five, seven, nine.” I thought to myself, “How odd.”
←Rate | 09-14-2019 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait for the iPhone 11 to come out that's the fastest phone I could get to check the same three apps thousand times a day.
←Rate | 09-14-2019 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if your PC gets a virus from a porn site, is that a STD for computers?
←Rate | 09-14-2019 19:43 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amazon is on fire? That’s not going to mess up my Prime 2 day shipping… is it?
←Rate | 09-14-2019 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Feeling cute...might buy a goalie mask and go camping later...I dunno. #FridayThe13th.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 21:19 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just cleaned up my friends list, so if you can see this post it means you've made the cut because you're special! Or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on....
←Rate | 09-13-2019 20:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shoutout to all my friends who never liked comment or say anything on Facebook, You're my heroes! But if you could do me a little favor and like this one status so I know you're still alive out and actually give a damn what I post that would be awesome.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 20:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I grew up living paycheck to Paycheck but through hard work and perseverance, I now live Direct Deposit to Direct Deposit.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 08:26 by Ed Comments (0)  

   messageicon The main difference between a nudist and a streaker is speed.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Things have changed so much like 4000 years ago if you killed a lion and could fix people's teeth you would have been the king of everything
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's sad old people won't live to see time travel, because how bad do they want to find the jerk who carpeted over this beautiful hardwood?
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went into the kitchen to look for pot and all I found were pans.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone write an article on millenials killing the doorbell industry by texting "here"
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Cheerio just fell out of my bra, and suddenly I realize food gets more action than I do.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a Fat bottomed girl, I'm not sure how we're expected to make the Rockin' world go round. That sounds *way* too much like exercise to me
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 60 Minutes would be a better show if they played that ticking noise the entire time.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember those girls in college who neatly highlighted all of their text books in pink? They work at the cosmetic counter at Macy’s now.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:11 Comments (0)  


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