Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like to make people who hate me, hate me even more.

   I fart on a first date.

   I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “diet” has the word die in it.

   What doesn’t kill you, makes you kind of nervous for the rest of your life.

   Twinkle, twinkle little scar; how I wonder, what put ye thar.

   If it snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny.

   Amazonesia: When you forgot what you ordered this time.

   Silent farts, deadly farts, all was calm, not for long 😂

   I’m an organ donor. But I’ve just got to say, if someone gets one, they better be ready to smoke a carton of Marlboros and a ton of Red Bulls to get them to work right. Lol

   Hey girl, are you a ketchup bottle? Because I’m gonna flip you over, hit it from the back and make you squirt.