Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says it weird that I'm 37 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and possibly one cat?
X says Looks like they're working out the Ebola situation. The CDC has released new guidelines about what healthcare workers should wear to protect themselves when treating Ebola patients. For starters, this Halloween they've outlawed the slutty hazmat suit
X says Today I went to work w/my clothes inside out and had chocolate pudding and popcorn for dinner. Wife has been gone ONE DAY & I am a toddler.
X says Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.
X says Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
X says I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I'm depressed.
X what's the only difference between Osama Bin Ladin & sperm.. One's from Baghdad & the one's from your dad's bag..
X says With gas prices at what 5 bucks a gallon? It's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere.
X When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
X I'm black, but not go Walmartin' in my robe and slippers black.
X says what do michael jackson and cavier have in common? They both come on little crackers.
X says Who else thinks the U.S. Marine jailed in Mexico would be getting a lot more attention from the U.S. government if he looked like Obama's son...if he had a son?
X says You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.
X says There have been more Taken sequels than Americans that have died from Ebola, if you wanted to know about the real epidemic.
X says If something seems too good to be true... Quick, put it in your mouth.
X says Yes the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but the short cut is through a vagina.
X says I'd rather be late for work than not masturbate.
X says Fellas; You need to know that if her favorite movie is The Notebook, she will never be satisfied and happy.
X says Pro Tip: If you order two drinks at McDonald's they'll think you're sharing all that food with another person.
X says How come know-it-alls, don't know how annoying they are?