Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was really jamming to the band playing at a recent gathering, so I whipped out my lighter and started swaying back and forth. The look of disapproval I got from the audience was worrisome. I guess this type of behavior is frowned upon in the Church.

   Jasmine Crockett is the Dollar Tree version of Maxine Waters.

   It's not Juneteeth. It's Juneteenf.

   Octopuses originated in Scotland. They came from bagpipes.

   I'm thinking the guy who thought up the idea to build Venice over water is the same guy who thought putting holes in bagels was a good idea; he likes things that leak.

   Let's face it. Juneteeth is merely a replacement for a non-existent holiday in their culture... Father's Day.

   Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Be sure to remind your wife to have all the cleaning and laundry done by this evening so she can enjoy her special day.

   The world has officially gone full-on crazy. At this point, the best thing we can do is make some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show.

   ast night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet

   shoutout to whoever hacked my doordash account and sent $140 worth of wingstop to my address instead of theirs