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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 18:58 Comments (0)

X says Best thing about the Va shooting is the shooter shot himself and he was black and gay. One less to worry about
←Rate | 08-28-2015 17:05 by Don King Jr Comments (0)

X says The fickle world of American TV news reporting, eh? One minute you're doing the morning slot; the next, the graveyard shift.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 16:50 Comments (0)

X says What if the Lottery is an institution to catch time travelers..?
←Rate | 08-28-2015 14:59 Comments (0)

X says *stops to smell the roses* *steps in dog poop..
←Rate | 08-28-2015 12:31 Comments (0)

X says It's National Beaver Day.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 12:21 Comments (0)

X Spandex: a Right, not a Privilege.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 09:26 by denevans Comments (0)

X says A group of girls with a selfie stick is called a travesty.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 02:22 Comments (0)

X says You had me at "hello," But lost me at "bae"
←Rate | 08-28-2015 02:21 Comments (0)

X says Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily everafter. . .
←Rate | 08-27-2015 23:51 by JAB Comments (0)

X "You gonna eat that?" My wife asks,,,, pointing to my words.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 21:10 by snotty Comments (0)

X Bar B Que Bacon Cheese Burger... The best part of my day.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 19:53 Comments (0)

X says one thing I have learned from the latest 24 hour news cycle... You can limp wrist a Glock and it will still function
←Rate | 08-27-2015 19:49 by House Comments (0)

X says ust looked up from my phone and realized I was sitting in a restaurant that closed in 2007.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 18:45 Comments (0)

X says When emptying email spam folder, why does anyone need to be asked are you sure you want to empty this folder. We do not need to be asked are you sure. Yes I am f#cking sure ! ! !
←Rate | 08-27-2015 16:32 by JAB Comments (0)

X says I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
←Rate | 08-27-2015 15:59 Comments (0)

X says Race War Coming Soon to City near you.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 13:48 by traver Comments (2)

X says Dear Bryce Williams, White Lives Matter.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 12:38 Comments (0)

X Can you imagine the media coverage had the Virginia shooting taken place with the races flipped? Sad to see how biased the media is. I guess #whitelivesdontmatter, right?
←Rate | 08-27-2015 09:05 Comments (0)

X says How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?
←Rate | 08-27-2015 02:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)


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