Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I am selling a kidney, I need money, anyone interested. . .
←Rate | 01-17-2017 18:18 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many people are afraid of heights. Not me, though. I'm afraid of widths.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:05 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the proud grandfather of a new baby boy. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:02 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conflicted about Dems boycotting inauguration. On one hand, Trump hasn't earned their respect. But on the other, they'll miss 3 Doors Down!
←Rate | 01-17-2017 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had so much Chinese food for breakfast I can barely wok
←Rate | 01-17-2017 11:01 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 09:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a very short attention span. Sometimes I bacon is delicious
←Rate | 01-17-2017 08:45 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I don't even know where sandwiches live
←Rate | 01-17-2017 08:43 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just clicked on my phone's front camera by mistake, Yoh never been this terrified in my life!!!
←Rate | 01-17-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did Lindsay Lohan Convert to Islam? If so she could assemble her suicide vest from all of those horrible movies she has made over her career.. Bombs.. get it..
←Rate | 01-17-2017 06:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I was 5 years old my teacher asked if I wanted to take the class guinea pig home ;.. 7 months later I arrived in the African republic of Guinea .
←Rate | 01-17-2017 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got home tonight and my girlfriend had on this little slinky outfit. which only really worked when she went down stairs .
←Rate | 01-17-2017 01:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Trump
←Rate | 01-16-2017 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In ME I trust.
←Rate | 01-16-2017 22:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can scratch your crotch and you can catch someone scratching their crotch, but you can't scratch it for them.
←Rate | 01-16-2017 21:59 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Facebook. . .
←Rate | 01-16-2017 19:20 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard something funny. I can't remember it.
←Rate | 01-16-2017 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was a terrible student.. I was the only kid in 8th grade who'd been to Vietnam .
←Rate | 01-16-2017 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a museum and it had all the heads from the statues in other museums .
←Rate | 01-16-2017 17:37 Comments (0)  


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