zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over. You're welcome.

   Marriage is a workshop.........The husband works & The wife shops

   Michael Jackson didn't die. He simply completed his course of plastic surgery in 2009, turned into a young gay white boy & renamed himself Justin Bieber...

   A wife tattooed "I LOVE U" on her nipples and showed it to her husband. He replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth! "

   "Give It To Me" She Screamed, "I'm getting Wet, Give It To Me Now".... "Screw Off" I replied "This Is My Umbrella"

   I can't even explain how my blow up doll makes me feel before sex. She really takes my breath away.

   Expecting your guy to be romantic all the time is like expecting you to behave like a porn star all the time.

   People say drinking milk makes you stronger. I drunk 5 glasses of milk and tried to move a wall. It didn't work. Then, I drank 5 glasses of vodka and the wall moved alone!!

   My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn. I told her, I love my car but I still watch NASCAR

   My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it's either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke..... in which I talk about having a wife.

   I saved my girlfriends phone number as 'LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.

   A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm - you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away.

   Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, "Remember, you have a wife."

   I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands. I never really thought that one through... Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.

   Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.

   Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children “Torn condoms”?

   I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife.

   You can't say happiness without saying penis. Coincidence ? I think NOT...

   My c**k was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

   What's the difference between a joke and three c**ks? The girl we met last night couldn't take a joke.