z Funny Status Messages

   I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

   I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.

   I'm sorry, I can't be mean to you. It's be kind to animals week.

   If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

   I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

   Life isn't worth living for, unless you have something worth dying for.

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

   Please remember a doggy is not just for Christmas….It's a great position all year round!

   like a Candy Cane – sweet but very twisted

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   I've been bad a few times this year, but it was worth it...you judgmental fat bastard!

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room!