pimpjuice Funny Status Messages

   I gonna have to find me a partner...I'm as hard as woodpecker lips

   I have got to stop wearing my sunglasses when I go out on the boat, I'm starting to look like a raccoon

   NEVER mix internet p0rn and mountain dew. Trust me on this one

   I'm an experienced drunk texter/facebooker. I keep my mouth shut

   I used to flip a "lucky" around in my cigarette pack. Until I realized it's the only cigarette I get drunk and light backwards.

   I must be amazing at chatting online; everytime I talk to a girl I leave her speechless.

   gang related violence has went up 50 percent in my house since I took the kids play station from them

   the lucky is the only cigarette in the pacK that I get drunk and light backwards

   I had 'that talk' with my son last night. The one about drugs. You know, the one where I tell him I smoke pot

   A costume and matching shoes later, my child owes me about $50 worth of candy..

   I will just take one bong hit with breakfast, chill out for a while, then get some things done. Aaaand I'm not getting off of the couch today.

   free candy and football. my kinda Thursday

   someone needs to tell Wyclef he can come back now.

   pumpkin for sale, slightly used

   election day? I'll vote for anyone that will make it legal to beat my kids

   my wife ran off with my best friend. I sure miss him

   funny jokes must be a Monday thru Friday job. zzzz

   Tip: make your woman feel beautiful, but not so beautiful that she thinks she can do better.

   Fish tanks are supposed to be soothing? My fish have seen me naked! I think my fish need a fish tank in their fish tank.

   I've been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree