jz Funny Status Messages

   The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

   I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

   I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

   Half the lies they tell about me aren't true

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Don't worry, during the Apocalypse the zombies are looking for brains, you're safe..

   your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your gods promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry

   ♫♫♪♪ It's the most... wonderful time... for a beer ♪♪♫♫

   My ex-girlfriend gave me a sweetest day card. Ok, it was a restraining order but it's the thought that counts