jw Funny Status Messages

   your "sofa king we todd did"

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   about to beat my di@# like it owes me money.

   Nickelback-Flash…..Why would Tiger Woods risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?......then again why would any guy risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?

   People who say I am hard to shop for evidently don't know where to buy beer.

   ‎"You see football takes concentration and skill....SQUIRREL!!!!" - Wade Phillips/NFL Head Coach

   I'm so good at sleep, I can do it with my eyes closed...

   The line was a little long at my pharmacy so I grabbed my cell phone and pretended to call someone. The line emptied quickly when I described my contagious rash and the fact that no doctor had found a medicine that would cure it yet. Good times.

   Beyonce has more African American people in her belly than Trump has in his cabinet.

   I don't think allowing the mentally I'll people to obtain guns is making America great. Now I don't feel safe anymore.

   Trump really trying to take credit for Obama's 227,000 added jobs in January? Smh.....

   Pulling out of Paris should be a porn, not a reality

   My wife is mad at me because I dropped a channel in protest of the NFL. Oh I’m keeping red zone I dropped QVC

   NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.

   I misunderstood the nighborhood MILF when she told me she was heading to the polls. I didn't see her grinding at the strip club.