goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Where do babies come from? Two teenagers and a six-pack

   Forecast tonight: Dark

   An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

   I guess it's time to go to the grocery store. A mouse hung himself in the fridge with a note saying "Sorry,can't live like this anymore".

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

   . "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

   True friends stab you in the front!

   Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A

   A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.

   Why is it that I have to recite the entire alphabet to remember where one letter is?

   Life before the computer punchline(see above 3): And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy...you hoped nobody found out.

   I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

   Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

   I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

   My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

   Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

   California is a nice place to live - if you happen to be an Orange.

   The 1960's were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun.