andrewjackson Funny Status Messages

   When life gives you scurvy, you’re going to wish you kept those lemons.

   I've been building my son's trust for two yrs with high-fives. Today I'm going to hit him with a "too slow". Welcome to the real world, son.

   my theory: every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

   I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you

   Remember before hand sanitizer & antibacterial soap when we slammed our faces into a slobber-filled bucket of water trying to get an apple?

   I’m not saying I failed as a parent, I’m just saying my son closes the cereal box without rolling up the bag.

   Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.