Tallmtnman Funny Status Messages

   Battered women sounds taste, but it's just a bad idea.

   Wonder if A-Rod's new sponsor is going to be a syringe company...

   Anyone else wonder what happens to Oscar on trash day?

   Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.

   BREAKING NEWS: Reports seem to be premature that Barack Obama's nomination to replace Eric Holder will be Flavor Flav.

   I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.

   Former Ravens cheerleader arrested for having sex with 15 year old boy. Apparently her flirting style was to BE AGGRESSIVE, B-E AGGRESSIVE

   I said I was hungry, she thought I said I was horny. Long story short, best first date ever..

   Adele: Hello. Lionel Richie : Hello is it me you're looking for? Pink Floyd : Hello. Hello. Is anybody in there? Me: This conference call sucks.

   Has anyone else considered the romantic possibilities of nachos and naps?

   Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.

   Ok, I've never thought much of Hugh Hefner, but you have to appreciate the irony. The creator of Playboy expires on a Wednesday-Hump Day.

   "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.

   The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.

   Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine

   The Denver Broncos today announced Al Bundy as their new starting Quarterback.

   I once told my friend I was attacked by a shark. He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?" I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."

   So is Tom Brady related to Marcia, Greg & Cindy ?