TS Funny Status Messages

   I lose interest in books and movies that take place in the past because, hello, I know I turn out just fine.

   it appropriate for a receptionist at a sperm clinic to tell their clients "thanks for coming" as they leave?

   The difference between a girls track team and a group of pygmy lawyers is.....The lawyers are cunning runts!

   I bet virgin wool comes from really ugly sheep!

   Pepperidge Farms bread is fancy stuff. It's wrapped twice. So when you open it, it's still not open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need that extra step between me and toast!

   I think a duck's opinion of me, is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!

   I would imagine if you understood morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!

   I have a telescope in the peep hole of my door, so I can see who's at my door for 2 miles…..who is it???? Who's it gonna be when you get here….:)

   I'm not saying she was tall, but the woman could hunt geese with a rake!

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I order coffee at Starbucks and tell them my name is Bueller.....Then just leave!