Styles Funny Status Messages

   So Microsoft buys out Nokia, exactly what is supposed to happen when a dinosaur buys a neanderthal?

   First scoop of Mars soil contains 2% water, now all we need is malt, hops, and yeast and life would be all good.....

   Must be giraffe hunting season or something ....

   Just finished putting the Ex-Lax in the candy

   5 blocks and no one has given me any candy, this is going to be a long day..

   Tomorrow is National Half Priced Candy Corn Day

   Day 28: I am thankful for the fact that I do not have to see your 28 days of thankful posts for another year

   I don't want to rescue pets, farm, pop bubbles, or crush candy...

   I remember back when the media didn't have to invent names like "polar vortex" to tell us that it is cold during winter...

   I am so proud of my gun, I left it alone and it did not kill anyone

   I don't care what President, beef jerky flavor, fruit, car, drink, beer, boat, pop tart, or actor I am supposed to be. I am me, that should be enough....

   He has risen!!! But only to use the bathroom, now I am going back to bed.

   There is a new strain of Marijuana on the market now. It is called "The Obama". It is very expensive, powerful, and does not do anything

   All of the Prophets claim One will come to bring the world together In a new age, I am here

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors

   An atheist, vegan, and a cross fitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes....

   Just tried to check my Farmville for the first time in 2 years, apparently I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS owns it now.

   If Obama can break the rules, so can the Patriots dammit.

   I can make beer disappear, what is your super power?

   I don't usually brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding