Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   Imagine having an IQ low enough to enjoy watching love island.

   What do I remember about the midget that attacked me. Very little.

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   Trick your friends into thinking you are a professional tennis player By wiping your face with a towel every 30 seconds And throwing it at a child.

   Part Of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "don't listen to that guy... He's drunk."

   "what did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" ( Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my wife.)

   Having a bad day?? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and your the only one with an ass!

   Whomever has my Voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks....I'm in public!

   Now if you will excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.

   Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!

   Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"

   ATTENTION: Due to BBQ setbacks, my ripped beach body Will be postponed another year. Thank you for understanding.

   Gas prices are so expensive...it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!

   it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?

   Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."

   Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!

   Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?

   "Just because she weighed as much as 2 people, that doesn't mean you had a threesome."

   Keep the earth clean! It isn't Uranus!

   I didn't go to the gym today,....but the cashier's name at Macdonald's was Jim...sooo same thing.