Solo Funny Status Messages

   I always call out my boyfriend's name during sex..... Just to make sure he's not around.

   So technically you are not supposed to EAT meat on Fridays but is it okay to just swallow it?

   Food for thought Guys: If you teabag someone that is allergic to nuts, is that considered attempted murder

   Advice of the day for women: Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old… as long as you buy him a few drinks first. ;)

   As I took it to my lips to taste, my mouth was suddenly overflowing with a creamy filling, my tongue licking as much as I could as fast as I could… God, I love cream donuts

   A Lysol commercial just told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. I think this is gonna burn. Makes you wonder... can nipples burn from disinfectant?

   thinks that if I were to become a cannibal, I'd only eat vegetarians, just for the irony

   Advice for the Day: Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast

   If you are not looking to get pregnant, the pill is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   time to take out the vibrator. Need my neck and shoulders to start feeling better. What did you think I was going to use it for?