Sandy Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can't dance.

   Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra and many other problems !!!

   Underestimate my crazy to activate my crazy.

   I'm sorry, I thought we were at the swimsuit competition part of this job interview. Please hand me my towel.

   "Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby

   He died doing what he loved: telling me I'm overreacting.

   He died doing what he loved, not replying to my texts.

   Loneliness is not getting your pets spayed or neutered so that you can have grandkids someday.

   How was I to know you were tying your shoelaces and not proposing?

   Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking? I can't pair wines like this.

   I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!