Rollen Funny Status Messages

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant in 2015.

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I own a metro phone Mexican."

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I'm driving around the city with out car insurance" Mexican..

   She lost me at, "I don't watch football."

   She lost me at, "that's cray cray!"

   She lost me at, " I'm going for the Seahawks!"

   My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don't want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"

   I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!

   X says “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me every time I see a post about that dress or the black coffee jokes.

   My daily goal is to change the world one status at a time. (Sigh) this is how single I am.

   If the only text you receive all day is from your phone company saying that you've exhausted your data for the month, you ugly.

   If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.

   "Oh, you smoke cigarettes? Don't bother, I'll take myself to the friendzone."