RLL Funny Status Messages

   I read where the main Ingredient of Viagra was Miracle Grow and Fit-A-Flat....

   They say money doesn't buy happiness.....I am guessing you're shopping at the wrong store...

   relationship status will changed from "married" to " It's complicated " about once a month.. I love my wife....

   Told my friend if he causes us to go to jail, I am slapping the soap out of his hands...

   It's time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

   I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's what I call a perfect day.

   Ah Man! Nothing worse than seeing two flies fornicating on your fresh off the grill, 12 dollar ribeye steak.....Appetite gone.

   Dear freezer, I get so hard for you. Sincerely Water.

   Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

   Figures, the only time the world beat a path to my door and I am taking a crap in the bathroom..

   My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

   Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

   As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point up

   Micheal Jackson was as straight as curly fries.....

   Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.

   It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

   Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

   Any intelligent man who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

   The main trouble with mental notes is, the ink fades so fast.