NATE Funny Status Messages

   asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

   thinks there is nothing worse than accidently sitting on your reeses peanut butter cup at the beginning of your work shift.

   attempting to give a damn: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a damn.

   finally decided to Tie the Knot... the Four-in-Hand Necktie Knot - it's really the easiest to tie.

   outside the bathroom you're an American. Inside the bathroom...European.

   you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never, under any circumstances, pick your friend's nose.

   contrary to what many believe, there are actually 3 rings to marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

   went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and discovered that some people think Febreeze is a substitution for doing laundry.

   ..after reading the side effects – pale stools, facial tics, constipation, sore throat, hives, chest pain & mouth sores – for erectile dysfunction pills, I've come to a rational conclusion: It's totally worth it.

   The epitome of laziness is vacuuming your kitchen floor. Yeah, I've done it.

   Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs anymore.

   I don't care what you say, fat girls are beautiful too.....at a distance.....of 300 or more feet.

   If you want the most accurate, real-time weather reports, look out your damn window.