ME Funny Status Messages

   boys are like slinkies...useless but fun to watch fall down stairs

   gonna party like it's 1929.

   Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?

   just heard Miley Cyrus is releasing a new song and dedicating it to Perez Hilton...it's called "Party In The Cell Block A"......

   Condoms are like newspapers....sure they are filled with good stuff today but you sure don't want them around tomorrow...

   wonders why everyone on facebook looks like they had a stroke I mean seriously that facial expression is stupid, and holding up the peace sign doesnt make you look any smarter.

   Thinks facebook has ruined school reunions.. now everyone knows your full of sh*t before you get there..

   To the brave souls who lost their lives tragically 9 years ago today.. may you never be forgotten R.I.P

   salutes Dr. Seuss, who died today in 1991. Cats in hats, green eggs, Whoville? Thanks for the inspiration to take drugs!

   California is suspending executions due to lethal drug shortage. Someone should talk to Texas. I bet they're storing their surplus in caves.

   I got an enema in honor of National Punctuation Day. I now have a perfect colon.

   I just invented a new candy called Mike and Ike and Tina. When you eat 'em, your front teeth fall out

   Every time I see Renee Zellweger on screen I want to hand her an antihistamine.

   "Porn Actor Kills Colleague With Prop Weapon." It was apparently not a banana in his pocket, nor was he happy to see him.

   An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.

   RODEO SEX: while having sex call her the wrong name and try to hold on for 8 seconds

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music of the internet.

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married, There will be no reception.

   Wow I slept like an air traffic controller last night.