Kalleygirl Funny Status Messages

   Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!

   I bet if pigs could fly, their wings would taste delicious!

   What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off and a priest sucks them off.

   Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I'm possessed by the devil is not funny.

   Just because it's called make-up... doesn't mean it's supposed to makeup 99% of your face.

   The only exercise some people ever get is: running their mouths, jumping to conclusions & pushing their luck.

   The other day I saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning" use rear entrance and I thought to myself that's great advice...

   My vacuum cleaner doesn't suck as much as it used to, it must have gotten married.

   Look all I'm saying is that if it was not meant to be eaten, it wouldn't be shaped like a taco..

   In the event of a nuclear war, the only things that will survive are roaches . Which means US should still have a functioning government

   Anal bleaching... Because some a**holes need to lighten up.

   Just got an email saying "want to see Taylor Swift Live"? I thought it was a ransom demand....

   Accidentally went grocery shopping hungry and now I'm the proud owner of isle 6...