KG Funny Status Messages

   Ever notice that people who snore seem to always fall asleep first?

   •If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

   Ever parked on the wrong side of the gas station, then turn the car around to realize you are still on the wrong side? Me either...

   Have you ever been on an elevator talking to someone (about nothing top secret really) and when anyone else walks in; everyone shuts up? Such a strange phenomenon...

   Have you ever said goodbye to someone before a long trip or even to leave somewhere for good, but you end up having to come back moments later for something you forgot? Does it make the original goodbye lose all of its sentimental value? Just wondering...

   Just had a friend post "Awesome day, Dry spell broken." and his MOM clicked the like button and he responds "MOM! WTH?" and then she asks "oops how do I UNclick it?" HAHAHA!!

   If you must lie about your age, do what I do... tell people you're ninety-seven...they'll think you look freakin great!

   Men are good for two things and two things only... Going down on you and taking out the trash... And even then the only thing that seems to be done properly is taking out the trash

   bumped into this cat at the gas station this morning getting coffee and he told me "Asalamalakum." I told him "I also like the Lakers!"

   just downloaded this Lebron tone for my phone but I can't hear it cuz it doesn't have a RING!

   The LA Dodgers are so broke, three players tested positive for Top Ramen

   A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

   Randon thots by KG: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

   in support of our brothers and sisters who just experienced the earthquake on the east coast, I think all west coasters should have the rest of the day off!!!

   i think the funniest thing in the world is my dad leaving me a msg on my cell thinking that I can hear him and actually pick it up...

   Did I already post my Alzheimer's status?

   Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!

   There are four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus