Joker Funny Status Messages

   You know your ugly when you have more pictures of your family then yourself ' Haha

   They say a man's "member" can be gauged by the size of their feet. That maybe why my sister dates clowns.

   Thankful saturday: The saturday after Thanksgiving when all your relatives have finally gone back home.

   The older I get, the more sense it makes to have a TV in the bathroom.

   I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel .

   I had fifty bucks tattooed on my "member". So the next time my wife wants to go out and blow fifty bucks, she can stay home and do it.

   My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?

   Three things I'm grateful for, 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Caller ID to advoid family and friends.

   "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   The difference between curry and a candle. A candle only burns at one end.

   I'm determind to stay out of debt this new year. Even if I have to borrow the money to do so.

   Make sure to put the letter "L" in the world clocks when you google grandfather clocks.

   I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.

   My mother never saw the iorny in calling me a s.o.b.

   If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.

   A good husband remembers his wife's birthday, but not her age.

   I may need a helping hand with my New Year's resolution in giving up masterbating.

   Went for a check up, everything was normal, except the doctor stuck is finger up my butt...... I need to get a new dentist.

   The best way to smuggle drugs across the border is to place them up a dogs butt. That way when the drug sniffing dog investigates, the officer will think that the dog is just being friendly.