JaxWylde Funny Status Messages

   Wake up in the morning feeling like Luke Perry... Happy 90210 Day!

   someone is having a keg of the Mondays

   whenever I start to get tired of being single... I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like.

   now that the Chilean miners are out... any chance we can put the Jersey Shore cast in?

   Well... it finally happened. I got a notice that I am being sued by Metallica for $1.3M not paying for their music... I never pirated their music... but I never bought an album either, so I guess that's the complaint.

   despite the clouds... last night's Eclipse was way better than the Twilight movie...

   I wanted to watch the Biggest Loser last night... I turned on the TV, and there he was...

   In Store Special - "You're My One and Only" Valentine's Day cards... 4 for $5...

   I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...

   I wonder if the first guy who used the pickup line “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and I together” is the same guy who invented the qwerty keyboard...

   Winning is addicted to me...

   According to a recent survey... Arizona is the 29th happiest state in the U.S... I'm not sure how I feel about that...

   The only thing more interesting than the royal wedding is... Ooh look, the dog is chasing his tail again!

   I don't always watch porn... but when I do... I prefer Tres Equis... Stay horny my friends...

   The U.S. is moving closer and closer to defaulting on our debt... maybe we should ask Citibank, Bank of America and GM to bail us out...

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Shark Week

   ‎[Status update only available to Facebook® Gold™ account holders]

   Happy Cyber Monday!! A/S/L?

   "i don't really like blow ups... they just don't do it for me." -overheard in the Christmas inflatables section of Target

   If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!