J.D. Funny Status Messages

   Hummmmmmm Chocolate - (Homer Voice)

   Last night I slept for eight hours straight. Then two hours gay.

   I bet Billy Mays is up in Heaven partying like its $19.99

   RIP 2012 (2012-2012)

   Our economy would probably be much better if people only spent less time using facebook during work hours!!!

   bored? send a text to a random number that says "I hid the body" what's next boss?

   Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ''try me'' stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.

   9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad, and left with my mom.

   How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? Look for The Fresh Prints.

   Women will get botox, wax their legs, pierce their nipples and clit, pluck their eyebrows...but they won't do anal because THAT hurts?

   A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.

   Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. :p

   when I am bored, I like to park on the side of the freeway and stick a blow dryer out the window and watch the cars slam on their brakes

   If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape!

   Commitment doesn't scare me, the thought of committing to the wrong person does.

   Don't forget Comic Relief this year. Just £5 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and his f**king girlfriend

   Because I'm stressed I've started sniffing glue. It's the only thing holding me together

   Facebook = Poor mans therapist...

   Only at Mcdonalds do they say,"Sorry about your wait" and really mean "weight."

   I'm going to take a shot for every "like" I get on this status....then again....I'm taking shots whether you b*stards like it or not.