Delores Disenchanted Funny Status Messages

   Hi. I just had a complete makeover. Hair, nails, makeup, boob$ etc. Bought all new clothes to fit my new size 3 figure. All this just so I can attract another a$$hole.

   Tonight's dinner was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I made it using the recommended serving amounts indicated on the jars. Who came up with these standards...an Ethiopian?

   Presidential Election 2012. Herman Cain Vs. Barack Obama Better known as Cain vs Unable.

   So if someone invites you to their wedding, it's apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can't make it but I'll come to your next one".

   I've noticed that the number of "likes" for intelligent quotes, exponentially jumps during the hours that Elementary school is in session, and after the 8:30 pm milk and cookies before bed ritual.

   What's the difference between a bagel and a $lutty fat chick? One's a roll with a hole. The other is a hole with a roll.