Curmudgeon Funny Status Messages

   Be honest with yourself, deep down inside, is there anyone of us that doesn't desperately want to be "dead last"?

   There is no relationship I treasure more than my bond with my recliner. We go waaaayyy back!

   George Zimmerman is proof that we don't need any more gun control. We need pin-headed vigilante control.

   The difference between a crooked lawyer and an intrepid chicken is, the chicken clucks defiant.

   Women are like convertibles. They're a lot more fun when the top's down.

   Just when I think I can make ends meet, some jackass cuts the rope.

   Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine “want” power.

   People who are on drugs don't worry me nearly as much as the people who should be.

   I always mean what I say. Sometimes, I didn't mean to say it out loud.

   New lovers are like computers...they go down unexpectedly.

   A smart man will buy his wife the finest china, so she won't trust him to touch it.

   Few things are more annoying than someone setting a good example.

   a woman with loose morals “Frito Lay”?

   Women want a man who can read them like a book, so long as he is proficient in braille.

   it true that the secret fantasy of a frustrated Amish woman is two Mennonite?

   Wives want a video record of the birth of their child. Husbands want a record of the conception.

   If a woman answers the door wearing only a see through nightie, is she negligent?

   Advice from Aunt Fanny: #173 Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious.

   Man with athletic tongue make broad jump.

   I would much rather answer silly questions than try to fix stupid mistakes.