Brades Funny Status Messages

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

   27 Championships. Too bad the Yankees can't also buy the respect of players, owners, and fans of MLB.

   says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

   Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   It takes a natural disaster in Haiti for the US government to step up and donate money and aid and go above and beyond to offer assiatnce. Yet, they are too incompetent to do the same thing in our own country.

   Announcing that your parents used to be cool hippies who went to Woodstock is probably not only a lie, but it also does not change the fact that they have a loser for a child.

   Vegans are secretly just anorexics trying to disguise it under a hippy guise of nutrition and compassion.

   Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!

   going to write a meaningful new Facebook status update, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that.

   just did a shot of wheatgrass* and now I'm off to the gym**! (*=bourbon, **=pub)

   wishes I had a stunt double to get me through the rest of this day.

   would like to thank Facebook for reacquainting me not just with old friends but also with people I never liked much in the past and for reminding me why in the present.

   "Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde

   doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.